Sunday, December 29, 2013

America's Snobbiest Cities

According to Travel & Leisure magazine, these are America's 20 most snobbish cities:

No surprise; San Francisco, New York, and Boston are the top three.  Somehow, Nashville managed to make the list.

Notably absent was Washington.  I guess they have little reason for snobbishness!

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Improving the Landscape?

Here's a liberal take on the pros and cons of wearing a push-up bra, in case you need a political slant on the issue.

Personally, I think whether to wear a bra or not, and what kind, should be strictly up to the woman in question who would wear it.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The End of a Legendary Football Game

This year's Auburn - Alabama game will go down in legend.  It was a well-played on-the-edge-of-your-seat game that went on until this 109-yard missed field goal attempt by Chris Davis.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Changing the Redskins Team Name

Whether rightly or wrongly, there's a pretty big momentum toward changing the team nickname of the Washington Redskins.  I will admit that,as compared to other ethnic or racial teams, Redskins is a bit raw.  It's a little more in the air about the Cleveland Indians (if they lose Chief Wahoo) and the Atlanta Braves.

But let's suppose the team does change its name.  What should it be changed to?

Sports teams in Washington have borne various names, such as the Senators (MLB), Nationals (MLB), Wizards (NBA), Mystics (WNBA), Capitals (NHL), and United (Soccer).

Considering the popularity of Congress at this time, I don't envision the football team being called the Senators.

What about the Lobbyists?  Well, there's a lot of these there, but hard to sell for fan loyalty.

All in all, the best I can come up with is the Washington Sentinels, a fictional team name from the Keanu Reeves - Gene Hackman movie, The Replacements.

And, while they're at it, choose professional strippers as cheerleaders.  Here's a clip of their routine from the movie:

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Good News from Mobile

The results are in: mainstream Republican Bradley Byrne defeated the Tea Party's candidate Dean Young in their primary for Alabama's First Congressional District.  Byrne won in Mobile and Baldwin Counties, while he was behind in the boonies.

Turn the cheek on the Tea Party!

War Eagle!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The Eve of Destruction: Maybe the Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Back in the 1960's, there was a lot of self-righteous dickish music generated by the Left as "protest music."  Bob Dylan was one; here is Barry McGuire singing "The Eve of Destruction."

Theme music for the Apocalypse, maybe.  Except Death is riding on a pale pony riding machine at Wal-Mart.

Seriously, I am closely following the down-state Congressional election between Dean Young and Bradley Byrne.  Young represents the Tea Party faction; and Byrne is more usual Chamber of Commerce-supported Republican.  What makes it worse: Young is an admirer of former Chief Justice Roy Moore, one of the more sinister influences in Alabama politics.

This one I can't vote in; but I'm hoping for Bradley Byrne to win.  I once voted for him for Governor, but he lost.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

A Huge Win!

The Auburn Tigers' 45-41 win over the highly favored Texas A & M Aggies was just awesome!   My season is complete!

But a win over Bama might be nice, too!

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Teen Hangs Self in Response to Official Overreaction

You can read the sorry story here.  Fifteen-year-old Christian Adamek streaked during a high school football game.  They expelled him, were going to charge him with a felony, and make him register as a sex offender for the remainder of his life.

Shit.  This was making too much of a minor prank.

Yes, running with his ding-a-ling flapping in the breeze may have been worth a week's detention, but the official reaction was pure overkill.  At best, a three-day suspension.

But, no, they were going to make a point and throw the book at the poor kid.

So the poor boy hanged himself.   How sad.

I hope it haunts your dreams, you officious motherf***ers.

MLB Payrolls, 2013

  • New York Yankees $228,995,945
  • Los Angeles Dodgers $216,302,909
  • Philadelphia $159,578,214
  • Boston $158,967,286
  • Detroit $149,046,844
  • San Francisco $142,180,333
  • Los Angeles Angels $142,165,250
  • Texas $127,197,575
  • Chicago White Sox $124,065,277
  • Toronto $118,244,039
  • St. Louis $116,702,085
  • Washington $112,431,770
  • Cincinnati $110,565,728
  • Chicago Cubs $104,150,726
  • Baltimore $91,793,333
  • Milwaukee $91,003,366
  • Arizona $90,158,500
  • Atlanta $89,288,193
  • New York Mets $88,877,033
  • Seattle $84,295,952
  • Cleveland $82,517,300
  • Kansas City $80,491,725
  • Minnesota $75,562,500
  • Colorado $75,449,071
  • San Diego $71,689,900
  • Oakland $68,577,000
  • Pittsburgh $66,289,524
  • Tampa Bay $57,030,272
  • Miami $39,621,900
  • Houston $24,328,538
  • Wednesday, October 2, 2013

    An Immodest Proposal Regarding Legislative Inactivity

    So we are now in a Governmental shutdown, otherwise known as a monumental clusterfuck.  It seems that Congress is so dysfunctional that they can't even pass a budget to keep the Ship of State afloat.

    Yes, I think that Obamacare sucks.  But it was passed into law a bit back and it really would take both houses and the Presidency held by the same party to change things.  So the Tea Party is just in a spoiler role.   NASA is in the tank for a while.

    And piss on the Democrats from a high vantage point for always being willing to max out our credit cards like a half-lit moron using the ATMs at the Booby Bungalow to pay for lap dances.  A little bit of fiscal responsibility, you all!

    Of course, our esteemed state government (I'm talking Alabama, you heathens!) also fails to get its monetary fix due to our legislature failing to pass a budget in a timely fashion.  Thence, the state agencies go into proration, the untenured teachers get laid off, and nothing gets done.

    So here's my proposal:

    1.  Since Congress didn't pass the budget, then they ought at least to return their Congressional salaries to the Treasury until such time as the budget is passed.

    2.  Until a budget is passed, Congress subsists on baloney sandwiches.  The symbolism is intentional.

    3.   Until a budget is passed, Congress takes up a vow of celibacy.  Not even with their wives or husbands or special friends.

    A pretty Thai girl.

    Wednesday, September 25, 2013

    You've Had Your Time, Now STFU!

    Let us now honor famous Americans who have overstrutted and fretted their hour on the stage, and then some:

    1.  Ted Cruz -- for his faux filibuster against Obamacare, more a gesture to aggrandize him.

    2.  Miley Cyrus -- for twerking at the  V.M.A., for outlandish and ridiculous songs, and having a ferocious bad haircut.  Now wearing nipple shieldsunder a see-through blouse. Okay: you're sexy, no longer a Disney Princess.  But don't cop out with those damned nipple shields.

    3.  Johnny Manziel -- for just being a loudmouth douche that's off the track.

    At least Rush Limbaugh is quiescent, like a sputtering volcano; and we don't have Keith Olbermann to kick around any longer. 

    Still, the likes of Nancy Pelosi is running free. 

     Any there is always the possibility of Emmanuel Rahm sticking his head up like a malevolent whack-a-mole.

    Ideals and Reality

    Actually, they all look really good.

    Wednesday, September 11, 2013

    Government Cost-Cutting

    Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for the job.

    Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people: one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do time studies (GS-11).

    Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q.C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.

    Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09) and a payroll officer (GS-11) and hired two people.

    Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

    So they created an administrative position and hired three people: an Admin. Officer (GM-13), an Assistant Admin. Officer (GS-13) and a Legal Secretary (GS-08).

    Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost," so they laid off the night watchman.

    Monday, September 9, 2013

    From Here to Ineffectuality

    U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry said the United States is considering only an “unbelievably, small, limited” strike on Syria as punishment for their allegedly using chemical weapons and he insisted military action was not intended to end that country’s civil war.


    Will we send an old DC-3 over to drop M-80s?  Or parachute Miley Cyrus in to twerk them to distraction?  Or make them watch the whole season of Two Broke Girls?

    Thursday, August 29, 2013

    Sunday, August 25, 2013

    Patent Office Visit

    I went to the US Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

    I said, "A folding bottle."

    She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"

    "A Fottle."

    "What else do you have?"

    "A folding carton."

    "What do you call it?"

    "A Farton."

    She snickered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."

    I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

    Thursday, August 15, 2013

    Presidential Prospects for 2016

    Well, Barack Obama is re-inugarated and will be in office until January, 2017, barring any unforseen event.  And, frankly, I hope we can lurch along okayish until then and in the future.

    Because a President is limited to two full terms, there's going to be a new guy or gal in the White House in 2017.

    Right now, the prospects are dim, to say the least.  And I'm also alluding to the apparent cognitive abilities of the Republicans and Democrats bruited around.

    Right now, the Democrats that are most often mentioned are Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden.  Is this the best that the Democrats can do?  The untrustworthy or the dumbass?  Maybe Jerry Brown of California can be persuaded to run; escaping from that fiscal morass that is California?   Actually, evidence that a person would run for Governor in that state persuades me that he must wear a hair shirt or endure other mortifications.

    But, please, anyone but John Kerry!

    As for the Republicans, we have a comic parade parallel to the Democrats, but with more players.  Right now, they're talking about Rick Santorum or Ryan Paul the most.  And possibly Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey.  Hopefully, the Republicans will not be THAT insane as to actively consider Donald Trump!  Jeb Bush?  Not likely.  Too much of a drag factor from his brother.  Of the other governors out there, only Louisiana's Bobby Jindal seems credible as a possible nominee; but I would sooner bet of the University of Kentucky winning the Southeastern Conference Championship than that happening.  

    [My take on that right now: look for Alabama and Georgia to play in the Championship Game.]

    Governor Bennett of Alabama?  No way, José. 

    We need a third party in the worst way!  The Democrats and Republicans would not know Presidential potential if it bit them in the butt!

    Tuesday, August 6, 2013

    World's Unfriendliest Cities

    According to, these are the world's unfriendliest cities:

    1. Newark, New Jersey
    2. Islamabad, Pakistan
    3. Oakland, California
    4. Luanda, Angola
    5. Kuwait City, Kuwait
    6. Lome, Togo
    7. New Haven, Connecticut
    8. Detroit, Michigan
    9. Atlantic City, New Jersey
    10. Tangier, Morocco

    Read more:

    Wednesday, July 31, 2013

    Reporter Reveals WAAY too Much

    Reporter Shea Allen of WAAY-TV got fired because of what she said in her blog.  Here's a few samples.

    1. I've gone bra-less during a live broadcast and no one was the wiser.
    2. My best sources are the ones who secretly have a crush on me.
    3. I am better live when I have no script and no idea what I'm talking about.

    Gee, she could be on MSNBC.

    9. If you ramble and I deem you unnecessary for my story, I'll stop recording but let you think otherwise.

    With regard to #1, I guessed it.  She's darn good-looking for the Huntsville market.

    Thursday, July 25, 2013

    Alec Baldwin

    With recent, further disclosures of Anthony Weiner's sexting exploits, newspapers, his opponents, and major figures from the Democratic Party all urge him to decamp from the mayoral campaign.

    To further add to the tidal wave of opinion, now Alec
    Baldwin has done likewise. 

    I guess that clinches it.  This is a true two-fer for this old meme:

    Wednesday, July 10, 2013

    The Unpopularity of Congress

    When asked if they have a higher opinion of either Congress or other examples of unpleasant or disliked things, voters said they had a higher opinion of:
    root canals (32 -56),
    NFL replacement refs (29-56),
    head lice (19-67),
    the rock band Nickelback (32-39),
    colonoscopies (31-58),
    Washington DC political pundits (34-37),
    carnies (31-39)
    traffic jams (34-56),
    cockroaches (43-45),
    Donald Trump (42-44),
    France (37-46),
    Genghis Khan (37-41),
    used-car salesmen (32-57),
    and Brussels sprouts(23-69)
    than Congress.

    Congress did manage to beat out:
    telemarketers (45-35),
    John Edwards (45-29),
    the Kardashians (49-36),
    lobbyists (48-30),
    North Korea (61-26),
    the ebola virus (53-25),
    Lindsay Lohan (45-41),
    Fidel Castro (54-32),
    playground bullies (43-38),
    meth labs (60-21),
    communism (57-23),
    and gonorrhea (53-28).

    Clearly, they have an image problem!

    Thursday, July 4, 2013

    Happy Fourth of July!

    What can be more emblematic of America's Independence than beauteous Kate Upton?

    Isn't America great and blessed?

    Thursday, June 27, 2013

    The Voting Rights Act

    Okay, let me say that the Voting Rights Act of 1965, renewed in 2008, was a good idea.  However, it did have one fatal flaw to it: it applied to only nine states, and parts of five other states.  This is what the Roberts Supremes decided was a no-go.

    Now I don't know the whole story of how the act came about, particularly why 36 of the 50 states were excluded from coverage.  But, since that was done, that effectively left minorities to the tender mercies of whatever majority group happened to be in those remaining 36 states.

    Funny thing: some townships in New Hampshire, and some counties in New York and California managed to be included.  Most states had no Federal scrutiny of their voting processes.  There is, I'm sure a story.

    So, if Congress is up to it, they should re-write the Voting Rights Act and have it apply universally across the board: all fifty states.

    Or will some hypocrisies be unmasked in the process? 

    Sometimes Federal involvement is necessary; but for God's sake be even-handed about it.

    Get to work, pass a universally applicable Voting Rights Act, and stop crying crocodile tears like Time, the WaPo, and Atlantic!

    Tuesday, June 11, 2013

    The Slippery Scale of Whistle-Blowing

    The recent events of Edward Snowden and the disclosures of NSA monitoring of emails and other communications has produced different types of reactions: many extreme.  Is he a hero, or a traitor?

    Actually, this is the usual reaction to any kind of whistle-blowing: it depends on whose ox is getting gored.  For example, Time and the NY Times both emphasize that it was legal, but unfortunate that Snowden made it all public.  Fox News and CNN took different positions.

    Would these media players reacted similarly had these NSA disclosures occurred under the Bush administration?  Or, to use an example from history, weren't different tunes being sung when the Pentagon Papers were disclosed by Daniel Ellesberg.

    This is the same with corporations.  Some corporate wrongdoing might be ignored by the press, had they the means to control the news.

    Maybe part of it is that the Obama administration made noises that they would not give into the abuses allowed by the Patriot Act that the former administration allegedly (and probably) did. 

    It could be simply a manifestation of the unwillingness to give up options regarding power, although they might have been interpreted differently at an earlier time.

    Or just plain, old-fashioned hypocrisy.

    Saturday, June 8, 2013

    Confucius Quote

    By three methods we may learn wisdom:
    First, by reflection, which is noblest;
    Second, by imitation, which is easiest;
    and third by experience, which is the bitterest. - Confucius

    Wednesday, June 5, 2013

    Florence May Get a Microbrewery!

    Oh happy day!  The Florence City Council passed an ordinance allowing for the establishment of a microbrewery in Florence, making small quantities of craft beer and having a tap room so that beer lovers could enjoy the product!

    Support for this is running 4-1, according to today's Times-Daily poll.

    To your health!

    Friday, May 31, 2013

    Disclaimer from the I.R.S.

    Acting IRS Commissioner Steve Miller gave the true version before a House committee on the revenue agency’s targeting of conservative groups.  Miller admitted that they were mistakes, but denied that the actions were politically motivated.

    Miller said, “I think that what happened here was that foolish mistakes were made by people trying to be more efficient in their workload selection.”

    Read more:

    Does he need a firehose for his trousers?

    Monday, May 27, 2013

    Sunday, May 26, 2013

    Huntsville's Number One for On-Line Porn!

    Give us a big hand, folks!  According to PornHub, Huntsville, Alabama has managed to be the "very religious" city with the highest frequency of watching porn on-line.  What do you expect with all our engineers and scientists?

    Hey, we got the best adult toy store in the South (Pleasures), and the world-famous Boobie Bungalow in nearby Elkton, Tennessee just over the line.

    Not bad for the rocket city, is it?  Let's toot our horns.  Let the Deepie Baptists and the C of Cers in Jones Valley smoke that bitter weed!

    Monkey Town was Number 2 for porn-watching among the very religious places; and theBig B was Number 7.

    Wednesday, May 22, 2013

    Anthony Weiner is Running for Mayor

    That being the fact, he needs an official campaign vehicle:

    Maybe he can get campaign donations from Johnson & Johnson.
    It shouldn't be hard for him to mount a stiff campaign, and screw the opposition, given that his campaign staff's first names were Peter, Richard, and Rod.
    At least New Yorkers can expect to get the shaft.

    Monday, May 20, 2013

    Eric Holder Walks the Line

    Little Snookums Eric Holder, Attorney General Extraordinaire, has dismissed the idea of prosecuting journalists as 'just plain nuts."

    Do we have some macademia nuts, like those in those in-room refridgerators in high-level hotels that are an exception?

    What is that shiny trail he leaves as he goes?

    Johnny Cash tells us how to walk lines right:

    Tuesday, May 14, 2013

    No! To the Tebow Bill

    Recently, the Alabama Senate let the Tim Tebow bill die.  Good move, guys!  This bill would have allowed homeschooled youngsters play on high school sports teams.

    Seriously, I think that only the students who actually go to a high school should get to play on their teams.  No home-schooled kids.  Sorry.

    My reasons have nothing to do with politics.  Let's face it, some people play Liberals and Conservatives like a p.c. form of Cowboys and Indians much like their parents or grandparents got to play.   (Some people play that game as a way of getting away with acting like a dick; you know what I mean.)  And I'm not going into the superiority or inferiority of homeschooling.  That's inevitably going to be in a case-by-case situation.  (Maybe in some future post.)

    No, it's this.  Going to high school has its ups and downs.  There's the friends, the extracurricular activities, the athletics, young love, groping, the Prom, hanging out in the hallway.  Balance that against homework, boring history classes, unpleasant assistant principals, the gym-like smell in the cafeteria, and so forth.  And, yes, some classmates are less than wonderful.

    High school is a shared, collective experience.  And I think that it belongs to the students who happen to attend that school.  Not the School Boards.  Not the teachers.  Not the goddam Legislature.  No, to play football or to cheer for the school, or to be in dramatics, or to be in the band, you have to earn it.  By dragging your ass to that school every day.

    And be a part of it all.  No skimming the cream off the top.

    Do you wonder why high school football night is so big in small town Alabama?  Yes, it's something to do, in places that are dull.  But the local high school is a local common experience.  And this goes through life, and across generations.

    Monday, May 6, 2013

    International Clitoris Awareness Week

    You read that right.

    This is a week given over to better education of the function of the clitoris on women.  It's sponsored by Clitoraid, an organization to help women who are victims of female genital mutilation, practiced in some parts of the world.

    This is totally horrible.  This practice is so repellent.

    Learn about your clitoris, or your girlfriend's or wife's clitoris, and treat it gently.

    Wednesday, May 1, 2013

    Screwing the Pooch in Federal Way, WA

    In order to honor its teachers during "Teacher Appreciation Week," the P.T.A. came up with a theme for each day:

    1.  "Muffin Top Monday."

    2.  "Tempt Me Tuesday"

    3.  "White Trash Wednesday" -- featuring barbecue served on garbage can lids"

    4.  "Freeloader Friday"

    It was not reported how Thursday would be themed.

    Geesh!  Is this ever screwing the pooch!

    Saturday, March 30, 2013

    Rep. Joe Mitchell's Notorious Email

    One of the state representatives from Mobile apparently acted like a total jackass in an exchange of emails.

    Birmingham citizen Eddie Maxwell sent a mass email to state legislators on Jan. 27, warning them that even attempting to introduce a gun control bill was, in his opinion, a violation of state law.

    Mitchell responded from his public, email account at 11:59 p.m., telling Maxwell: "Your folk never used all this sheit (sic) to protect my folk from your slave-holding, murdering, adulterous, baby-raping, incestuous, snaggle-toothed, backward-a**ed, inbreed (sic), imported criminal-minded kin folk."

    Whether Eddie Maxwell's case had merit, this seemed a totally bizarre response for a legislator to send to a private citizen whom he never met or had any other form of association.

    A poll on had about 80% of respondents choose that Rep. Joe Miller get his sorry ass out of the Alabama House.

    Tuesday, March 26, 2013

    Amanda Knox

    Yesterday the Italian Supreme Court reversed Amanda Knox's acquital; in effect, giving her a double jeopardy situation. 

    Whatever were the facts in Perugia six years ago, I am convinced that in no way will she get a fair trial in Italy.  The first attempt at trying her was a kangaroo court; and there is absolutely no reason that the dysfunctional Italian justice system will give her a fair hearing.

    Does anything work very well there?

    So, this is what I think should take place:

    Italian courts: "We'd like to extradite Amanda Knox back into the tender mercies of our obviously fair and impartial judicial system."

    The U.S.:  "Fuck you!"

    Monday, March 25, 2013

    Is Body Paint Equivalent to Clothing?

    After reading an item on about attempts in Orange Beach to restrict the sales of t-shirts containing 'offensive' messages, Jennifer and I had a philosophical discussion about what would constitute appropriate attire on the Redneck Riviera.  Actually, it's relatively unclear as to what forms of swimwear might pass muster.  Topless is out.  But are thongs or string bikinis okay? 

    She had some unease; but it seemed that the bikini that she wore prompted no legal response from Baldwin County or Gulf Shores police.   Like most Southern males, they  were not going to look the gift horse of a scantily-clad lady in the mouth!

    Jennifer raised an interesting question: would body paint over the regions in question serve as the moral and legal equivalent to clothing?  At present, only one community, one in Washington state, specified that it doesn't.  This was in response to the scourge of bikini baristas that broke out there who apparently used paint in lieu of a top!

    If applied well, it is impossible to tell tight-fitting clothing from paint from a distance.  Indeed, in some places, there seems to be a let it slide attitude towards women wearing body paint to simulate clothing.

    Ain't America great?   For further proof, here's Kate Upton in body paint: 

    Now all that is needed is for the City Fathers or Mothers of Orange Beach to chill a little and let things go as they have been since time memorial on the Redneck Riviera!

    Tuesday, March 19, 2013

    Southern Living on "Cities With Style"

    The recent issue of Southern Living featured an article on southern cities with style.  There were the four predictables: New Orleans, Atlanta, Charleston, and Nashville.  And two omissions: Miami and Memphis.

    At least they didn't mention Montgomery, which has about as much style as Tallahassee or Jackson.

    But they mentioned others.  Florence was one.

    Yes, Flo-town.  What trip are they on?  And the mentioned Alabama Shakes in the context of Florence.

    Alabama Shakes hails from Athens, which is in Limestone County, not Lauderdale.

    Wednesday, March 6, 2013

    Why You Can't Be a Success in the Shoals

    This article in Sholanda Speaks really hit the nail on the head.  The Shoals is not welcoming to outsiders, but resents their presence unless they bring in a lot of power and money which the local oligarchy can use.

    As a result, our economy has been pretty stagnant for a long time.  This is totally unrelated to the recession.

    We need to be less closed in North Alabama.  Let the light in!

    Tuesday, March 5, 2013

    This Is What We Pay For!

    Being a member of Congress has some perks:
  • $174,000 salary
  • Free company car
  • Free gas
  • Free parking (even at airports)
  • Free flights almost anywhere in the world
  • Per diem travel allowance... up to $3,000 a trip
  • A month’s paid vacation
  • 3-day work-weeks
  • Free membership to a top-flight gym
  • Pension plan and 401K plan
  • Full retirement benefits (including up to 44% of their six figure salaries) at age 62
  • Free top of the line health insurance with 10 plans to choose from
  • Fully covered – even with pre-existing conditions

  • And yet they don't manage to do the fundamental job: working out a budget.  This Sequestration is just a symptom.

    Now you can go into your partisanship screeds.  But it seems to me that we should be getting more for our money than we do.

    All of them, including President Obama on down, all the Senators and Congresspersons need a big cut in pay!

    If they were baseball players, their performances would earn them a trip to the minors.

    But just so none of them wind up with the Huntsville Stars!

    Thursday, February 28, 2013

    The Suprising Quotes of Ashley Judd

    On her decision not to have kids with her husband: “It’s unconscionable to breed, with the number of children who are starving to death in impoverished countries.”

    - On the coal industry, which employees thousands of Kentuckians: “The era of coal plant is over, unacceptable,” she tweeted in October.

    - On how Christianity “legitimizes” male power over women: “Patriarchal religions, of which Christianity is one, gives us a God that is like a man, a God presented and discussed exclusively in male imagery, which legitimizes and seals male power. It is the intention to dominate, even if the intention to dominate is nowhere visible.”

    - On men: “Throughout history, men have tried to control the means of reproduction, which means trying to control woman. This president is a modern day Attila the Hun.”

    - On her comparing mountaintop removal to the Rwandan genocide: “President Clinton has repeatedly said doing nothing during the genocide in Rwanda in 1994 is the single greatest regret of the Presidency. Yet here  at home.  there is full blown environmental genocide and collapse happening, and we are doing nothing. Naturally, I accept that I set myself up for ridicule for using such strong terms, or perhaps outrage from human victims of slaughter.”

    - On fathers giving daughters away at weddings: “To this day, a common vestige of male dominion over a woman’s reproductive status is her father ‘giving’ away her away to her husband at their wedding, and the ongoing practice of women giving up their last names in order to assume the name of their husband’s families, into which they have effectively been traded.”

    Read more:

    Tuesday, February 26, 2013

    Thursday, February 21, 2013

    Our State Song Sucks!

    Here it is.  You can judge for yourself.  Personally, I find the song to be syrupy, and the "ayes" to be distracting.

    Written by Julia S. Tutweiler

    Alabama, Alabama, We will aye be true to thee,
    From thy Southern shores where groweth,
    By the sea thy orange tree.
    To thy Northern vale where floweth,
    Deep blue the Tennessee,
    Alabama, Alabama, we will aye be true to thee!
    Broad thy stream whose name thou bearest;
    Grand thy Bigbee rolls along;
    Fair thy Coosa-Tallapoosa
    Bold thy Warrior, dark and strong,
    Goodlier than the land that Moses
    Climbed lone Nebo's Mount to see,
    Alabama, Alabama, we will aye be true to thee!
    And so on, this tedious song.  Now I'm not saying that a new state song is a panacea; but we need to have one that is more lively.
    I have a modest proposal.  "Alabama Song," by Berthold Brecht and Kurt Weill.  This song was one in their opera Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny (Aufsteig und Fall der Stadt Mahagonny.)

    Here's a 1960's rendition of it:


    Tuesday, February 19, 2013

    F*** the Dons Does Not Fly in Iowa

    A high school wrestling team in Iowa got in trouble because of a photograph that appeared in the social media.  Apparently, the boys at West Marshall got overly enthused about their upcoming match with Don Bosco of Gilbertville.  They appeared, topless in social media, each with a letter on their triceps. In all, the eleven wrestlers' letters read F-U-C-K T-H-E D-O-N-S.

    The schools had a hissy fit.

    High schools haven't changed much since I was back in it.  The faculty is easily upset by what students do.

    Sunday, February 10, 2013

    Where Are Your Braless Boobs Now?

    Kansas University, which had an 18-game winning streak motivated partly by students tweeting shots of their boobs, now has been having a three game losing streak.

    Maybe this is due to the Jayhawks having some cold shooting; maybe it's because the opposition is responding with higher caliber ammunition. 

    This is the time to call out Big Bertha. with her DDs.

    Wednesday, February 6, 2013


    The ancient Greeks supposedly had a punishment for adultery: if you caught someone in one's one house screwing his wife, he could stick a large radish (actually a horseradish) up his adulterous ass!  It was mentioned in Aristophanes' The Clouds.  There's some doubt whether this punishment was ever actually used outside of fiction. The rules for Rhaphanidosis are that one must catch the adulterer with your wife in your own house. Alternate punishments include simply killing the adulterer, or replacing the radish with a mulletfish.

    Wednesday, January 30, 2013

    Sunday, January 27, 2013

    Most and Least Bible-Minded Cities

    According to the American Bible Society, Huntsville comes in at #9.

    At least we have Hooters and Pleasures.

    Most Bible-Minded Cities
    1. Knoxville, Tenn.
    2. Shreveport, La.
    3. Chattanooga, Tenn.
    4. Birmingham, Ala.
    5. Jackson, Miss.
    6. Springfield, Mo.
    7. Charlotte, N.C.
    8. Roanoke/Lynchburg, Va.
    9. Huntsville, Ala.
    10. Charleston, W.Va.

    Least Bible-Minded Cities
    1. Providence, R.I./ New Bedford, Mass.
    2. Albany, N.Y.
    3. Burlington, Vt.
    4. Portland, Maine
    5. Hartford/New Haven, Conn.
    6. Boston, Mass.
    7. San Francisco
    8. Phoenix, Ariz.
    9. Cedar Rapids, Iowa
    10. Buffalo, N.Y.

    Wednesday, January 23, 2013

    Congressional Wisdom

    Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for the job.

    Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people: one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do time studies (GS-11).

    Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q.C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.

    Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09) and a payroll officer (GS-11) and hired two people.

    Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

    So they created an administrative position and hired three people: an Admin. Officer (GM-13), an Assistant Admin. Officer (GS-13) and a Legal Secretary (GS-08).

    Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost," so they laid off the night watchman.