Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Misleading Headlines

Sometimes what we read can be amusing, if you take it on wry.

What was her cup size?

Better luck next time.

Something about her name, perhaps?

In Kentucky or Georgia, no doubt:

Who would know how to handle it best:
It must have been a hell of a wedding party:

She couldn't afford espadrilles.

Somehow, we're not convinced:

They must not have gotten the P.C. memo:

Blame it on NAFTA:

Shouldn't it be "Jills Off?"


She's a pro at it:

Need a better sewer deodorant or some sodium bicarbonate, maybe?

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Merit Badges for Douchebags

Since their numbers are legion, they've begun to award each other merit badges for douche behaviors.  Maybe they should be added to Boy Scout badges.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Saint Elvis

Saint Elvis, pray for us! And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  Amen! Don't be cruel.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

$15 an Hour Minimum Wage

The current minimum wage in Alabama is $7.25 an hour. There, a full-time minimum wage employee, if there are any, makes about $15,000 a year. That's not enough.

Presently, a small number of people in Birmingham are protesting for $15.00 an hour.  I hope they get what  they're asking, but I'm not so sure they will get it.

Seriously, an increase in the minimum wage is long overdue. Huntsville ought to take the lead; it's about time we start looking out for the little guy!

Consider this: the median income of an exotic dancer is $45,000.  Fast food workers make about $7.91 per hour, on the average. 

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

It was spectacular! Here's some still pictures from this beauty trip:


Monday, November 9, 2015

Bad Old Alabama

There seems to be a spate of stories about Bad Old Alabama of late; but some of them really involve scraping the bottom of the barrel of sensationalism. It seems that there is a default condition going on: If it involves Bama and it can be construed as bad, play it up.

Three come to mind lately.

(1) That infamous sorority video from Alpha Phi at The University of Alabama. Yes, it went viral; but it was basically harmless showing of pretty girls acting, well, like 18-year-old girls and including -- horrors! -- wearing bikinis! Anyway, it was labeled by al.com as worse for women than anything Donald Trump said.

(2) All kinds of wild speculation about the why of Governor and Mrs. Bennett's divorce. Hard facts are few; wild speculation is more interesting.

(3) The closing of some driver's license places, predominantly in southern Alabama. It was immediately ascribed to racist motives, with little mention of it possibly being driver by a budget shortfall that the legislature is unable or unwilling to deal with.

Anyway, the truth is seldom pure and never simple, as Oscar Wilde once observed.

I wonder if this kind of thing happens in other states. 

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Who Should Pope Francis Bless?

Today al.com raised a serious theological question that would have to be addressed should Pope Francis come to Alabama: Who should he bless?

____ Alabama Crimson Tide

____ Auburn Tigers

____ South Alabama Jags

____ UAB Blazers

You can vote your opinion if you go to this link. 

The in-state politicians were not among the choices offered.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

The Atlanta Braves

The Atlanta Braves are having similar luck as me back when I was in high school.


Monday, September 14, 2015

Dadeville to Ban Short Shorts!

What a crock! Dadeville down in Tallapoosa County now wants to ban short shorts!  And also  miniskirts.  City Councilwoman Stephanie Kelley and Councilman Frank Goodman are behind this regressive move. Short shorts have traditionally tolerated women wearing short shorts as one way of beautifying Alabama! And, traditionally, undercheek or overcheek d├ęcolletage is allowed as well. Especially in Gulf Shores, Tuscaloosa, Auburn, and Huntsville!

In other words, show dat ass!


Saturday, September 12, 2015

Going Puritan as a Convenience Strategy

The big news in Alabama now is the story about Gov. and Mrs. Robert Bennett's divorce proceedings after 50 years of marriage. There's questions about gubernatorial unfaithfulness with a younger staff member. And they make the convenient assumption that where's there's smoke, there's fire!  The fact is, there is no smoking gun. Or other object!

While it's sad whenever couples so long coupled separate, some of the legislators and the baying hounds at al.com are demanding his resignation. Goddam, didn't they get rid of a Governor several years ago? And how well did that work out?

Puritan morality is a something thing. This was the case last century when some people, mainly Republicans, tried to get rid of Bill Clinton because of a few blow jobs from an overweight internist! Seriously, was that really grounds for impeachment?  Especially since the House and the Senate has reputations for randyness!

And now some Republicans are trying to get rid of a Republican Governor. Why? Because Gov. Bennett had the temerity to propose some tax increases!

He was only being realistic! The fact is, the State is not getting enough money in to keep up with its obligations!

And if everything was sweetness and light between the Governor and the Legislature, they would be high-fiving him for what they think he did, and wish they could do it themselves!


Sunday, August 30, 2015

Proximity in Fandom

What are the areas that support which teams? Here's the boundaries of fandom in the 50 states on this  map. If clicking on it doesn't work, then go to the Facebook link.

The Yankees have a fan base in Virginia, North Carolina, and Louisiana.

The Giants are big in Northern California.

The Cardinals' territory extends into Arkansas and west Tennessee.

The Tigers' fans are about exclusively in Michigan, and the Brewers' fans are all in Wisconsin.

New England is solidly behind the Red Sox.

The Mariners' area is Washington, part of Oregon and Alaska, and the northern part of Idaho. 

The South is solidly behind the Braves.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

We're Number One!

For some reason, Alabama leads the nation in per capita money spent at the Ashley Madison extramarital affair dating site.  Are many preachers and politicians involved?


Saturday, August 15, 2015

Alabama State Funding Rap

As this article explains, we have a problem meeting budgetary demands in Alabama.  Basically, there are three sides: Raise taxes to meet the shortfall, lower taxes, or support gambling or a lottery.


Here's the three sides, presenting their arguments in the form of a rap.

Maybe we should hold a state funding bake sale instead.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Mountain Tom Clark

Florence, Alabama has an interesting sign to memorialize  a lynching of a notorious outlaw hanged in 1872, and buried in the middle of Tennessee Street.  Mountain Tom Clark, subject of much legend and historical fact was the person in question.  After the Civil War there was a lot of lawlessness and paying back of old scores, some not even war-related.  

Hopefully, this link will provide some background; perhaps more than you might want to plow through. 

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Yvette the Stripping Nun

Performing nightly at Club Bunga Bunga:
Yvette ths Stripping Nun!

Watch Sister Yvette strip for your education and edification.  She will take off those nasty habits to Gregorian chants and swelling organ music right down to her Burning Bush.  And you old-timers will fully appreciate the mystery of the Resurrection when you see the one and only Sister Yvette perform!

Remember, she will hit you on the palm of your hand with a ruler if you fail to give her your undivided attention!

Approved by the Diocese.

+ Impuratur: The Bishop

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Being a Dick for Safe Sex

Some people in Norway found a different way to teach about safe sex.  How about a human in a penis costume that sprays confetti on amorous couples and others?

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Seen in Colbert County

. . . . Seen in Colbert County.  Not my sentiments.

Maybe it's true about the Colbert/Florence rivalry.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Huntsville Flag

Recently Bilbo had an article on city flags and proper design characteristics for them. I got curious, and looked up what Huntsville, Alabama's city flag looked like.  It's bland; and I hope it doesn't meet the objections of overly sensitive WaPo columnists.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Comments on the Confederate Flag and Other Flags

Iconoclasts are back at it again.  Growing out of distaste for the Confederate Battle Flag flying by the South Carolina capitol, this has extended to other symbols or putative symbols of the Confederacy: statues, license plates and even state flags!  As a non-native Alabamian, I'd like to inject my point of view.

I moved to Alabama as a student in high school, and later went to Auburn.  Yeah, I know; but it was a nice place, and I came to like it and Alabama very much.  So much that I went to Huntsville to live afterwards, working in aerospace. 

One of the things that I've noticed about natives and people with long-term ties to the state have in common is a kind of defensive pride: when you run down their state and its history, they don't take it very well.  Part of that is the fact that they've heard that old song before; and they get the message that they're somehow low-bred and common.  That is what causes that reaction, "Love it or leave it."  Or as Lewis Grizzard put it very well: "Delta is ready when you are."

It's considered ill-breeding down here to come into someone's house and criticize his or her dog.  That's plain and simple.

I'm glad Governor Bennett decided to take down the battle flag unilaterally; and not have some ragtag pack of Yankees baying at Alabama to do it.   (I guess I'm one, in a way; but long away from the Buckeye State.)

No, this is not paranoia from a transplanted Ohioan gone Southern: I just see it from my peoples' point of view.

Probably we should play down the Confederate flag.  But the outside critics in the media go overboard, as usual.  The example that comes to mind is the state flags of several Southern states.  One source (Christopher Ingraham in the Washington Post  attributed the source of the design of seven Southern states to symbols of the Confederacy.  

Example 1: the Alabama state flag.  People, it's a red St. Andrew's cross on a plain white background.   Unless I'm color blind, the Battle Flag had a blue cross with stars on a red background.

Example 2: the Florida state flag.  It's a plain red cross with the state seal in the middle.

Example 3:  the Tennessee state flag.  It's a red flag with three stars in a circle in the middle to represent the unity of three sections of Tennessee: West, Middle, and East.  Mr. Ingraham got bothered by the blue stripe as being suspiciously like that on one of the later Confederate flags.
Example 4:  the Arkansas flag.  One of the four stars in the diamond allegedly represents the Confederacy.  Oh really?

As for the Georgia flag, it just looks like the original stars and bars but with a boring state seal instead of stars.

Mr. Ingraham also fretted about the date of the Mecklenberg Declaration on the North Carolina flag, but he really just ran with assumptions all over the place, as it was back in 1776!

Yes, you can say that Mississippi has a Confederate flag on its state flag.

But Mr. Ingraham tended to reach dubious conclusions on all the others.

At least he didn't make something of Louisiana's pelican or the Lone Star flag of Texas.  That one predates the Civil War.  

But his article, in addition to being sloppily researched, seems to contribute primarily to cheap Southern-bashing and shoring up dubious claims to East Coast superiority.  But it may contribute to anxieties that some of them have when they go down South.  Would it cause them to worry about a Confederate boogeyman hiding under their beds?

And they don't mind the monuments to the likes of terrorist William Sherman, genocidal Philip Sheridan, or Ulysses Grant.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

No to Tramp Stamps!

I like girls in bikinis.  I think most girls look better wearing one, rather than those one-piece jobbies from the 1940's.  And the shorter, the better.

But why must some spoil the effect by getting a lower back tattoo, A.K.A "tramp stamp."  Does not the popular term carry any significance?  N0, better to go with a nicely tanned, unadorned back.  No butterflies, birds, abstract designs, religious messages.

And if you go with a thong (okay in a few places), leave well enough alone!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Oh. Boy!

They're carting him off because he wouldn't stop looking at their breasts. He's good for morale.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

The Missing Goat

A group of students at Eustis High School students got in big trouble for stealing two goats, tossing them into Eustis High School and leaving behind vegetable oil for the animals to slip and slide in.

A security camera caught the suspects entering the school building around 2 a.m. Nearly four hours later, a custodian found the goats scrambling around in about two gallons of vegetable oil that had been spilled all over the floor. The fire department had to be called to figure out exactly what the liquid was before they mopped it up. Also, the vandals spray-painted the goats. Both were painted with numbers on them that could not be scrubbed off. One was painted with a "1", and the other one with a "3."

Apparently they were trying to confuse the faculty into a search for goat #2.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Percy Sledge, 1941-2015

Today Percy Sledge died.  He was a legendary soul/rhythm and blues singer, best known for his song "When a Man Loves a Woman." He recorded in Sheffield, Alabama, and was perhaps the greatest singer out of the Muscles Shoals area.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Kanamara Matsuri

Kanamara Matsuri, the Festival of the Steel Penis, will be celebrated in Japan on April 5th.  It features homage to the penis.  A large pink phallus is carried through the streets by women, they suck on penis-shaped lollipops, and burn penis-shaped candles.

I wish we were as uninhibited about sex here in Alabama.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

The Fox News Take on Spring Break

Fox News has apparently hit on a winning combination to increase their audience: a week long series on the Spring Break in Panama City Beach, followed by smug moralizing.

They got it all: bikini girls with great bodies, followed by mandatory moralizing. Thus the audience can be both gawking at buff bodies and get a frisson of piety afterwards.

Have fun with these hypocrites:

Sunday, March 29, 2015