Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Brother, Can You Spare the State a Dime?

Well, 2015 is almost here, and the state has a $265 million in the General Fund.  Medicaid, prisons, and other necessities can be affected by this.  It's really put up or shut up time for our lawmakers. There's two possibilities that could be put in play:

1)  Raise taxes  But a vote to increase taxes is like a kiss of death for both Republicans and Democrats. This isn't going to happen.

2)  Institute a state lottery. But the more conservative elements will have a conniption fit.  Also, it's in effect a tax on stupidity. Still, I know of a few who regularly travel over the state line to purchase Tennessee lottery tickets.

Maybe we need some creative other solutions:

1) Hold a super-duper bake sale. But, let's face it, Alabama baking is nothing to write home about.

2) Trim back on expenses. Cut back on fat cat state employees.

3) Tax sex. Think of the braggart factor.

4) Try to get an NFL franchise.

5) Impose a tax on football tickets.

6) Establish a bikini tax.

7) Elect Nick Saban as Governor next go-round.

Can you think of any others? Alabama is seriously in deep trouble.  But if we get a bad hurricane in 2015, we're in deep shit.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Brother Bob, the Porn King

I suppose you might have heard about the arch segregationist who dropped off the radar and reincarnated himself as a writer, even writing a best seller.  Yup, this was a former Alabamian.

Another one, less known, was a fire and brimstone Church of Christ preacher, who got tired of it all. and disappeared.

Now where did Brother Bob Wilde go?  His former flock wondered and wondered.  Finally, a church member with more money than sense hired a detective to look for Brother Bob, fearing that he met with foul play.

In a sense he had.  He traipsed off to wildest Tennessee where he ran a chicken ranch breeding fighting cocks and another kind: having a trio of daring doxies in a double wide trailer to console the hillbillies up there.

Also, this led him to a literary sideline: he wrote hillbilly noir porn to satisfy the totally sick tastes of Yankees who were totally credulous when it came to any notorious story about rural Southerners.  For a long time, only Erskine Caldwell and Frank Yerby filled that gap.  Brother Bob really knew his stuff.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Lovely French Ladies for Tomorrow

For the Miss France contest tomorrow, 33 lovely ladies are competing.   Here are their pictures in evening gowns:

All are real beauties.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

UAB Might Drop Football

Lost in the hoopla associated with the Iron Bowl (which Auburn lost, 44-55), there's another football story under the radar on most sports news services.

The University of Alabama - Birmingham (UAB) might be dropping its football program!  That's right, no more UAB Blazer football!  Anyway, this story needs to be confirmed. 

Apparently, Alabama is not all football crazy!

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Untied Bikini Top

An unfortunate accident resulted from a prank.  While Brittany Lahm was driving, a backseat passenger untied her bikini top.  Ms. Lahm was distracted and took her hands off the wheel briefly;

An appeals court has cleared her of culpability for the fatal crash in agreeing she faced an "unforeseen emergency" when a back-seat passenger untied her bikini top.

The July 2008 crash occurred on the New York Thruway.

Lahm and a group of friends were returning to Rockland County after a day at the shore. Brandon Berman, who allegedly pulled the bikini strings, was killed.

The Brooklyn Appellate Division upheld the conclusion of a Rockland jury, which found Lahm's bikini top problem constituted "a sudden and unforeseen emergency not of her own making."

Monday, November 17, 2014

An Ass for the Republicans to Ride

Last week asses made the news in a big way.

First of all, there was the much-replicated gluteus maximi of Kim Kardashian displayed on Paper magazine in its full glory.  She was definitely a cheeky lady, to be sure.

Then there was Jonathan Gruber, an MIT economics professor who was a White House consultant for the Affordable Care Act.  He declared that a lack of transparency around the Affordable Care Act was politically advantageous.

"Lack of transparency is a huge political advantage. And basically, call it the 'stupidity of the American voter' or whatever, but basically that was really, really critical to getting the thing to pass." Gruber had  said.

In other words, a little bit of the shell game.  The Republicans are likely to say a lot about this, whatever the merits or demerits of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare).

Speaking about asses. here's a more pleasing one:

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Why in the Hell Are We Voting on This?

More amendments to our dippy State Constitution of 1901, the longest of all the 5o states.  In my opinion, this is "feel good" legislation or kowtowing to the N.R.A.


Statewide Amendment 5
Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of Alabama of 1901, to amend Amendment 597, now appearing as Section 36.02 of the Official Recompilation of the Constitution of Alabama of 1901, as amended, to clarify that the people have the right to hunt, fish, and harvest wildlife subject to reasonable regulations that promote conservation and management of fish and wildlife and preserve the future of hunting and fishing. (Proposed by Act 2014-286)
Yes ( )
No ( )

Amendment 5 proposes an amendment known as the “Sportsperson’s Bill of Rights.” If Amendment 5 IS PASSED, it would clarify that the people of Alabama have the right to hunt, fish and harvest wildlife, including the use of traditional methods. This right would be subject to reasonable regulations to conserve wildlife and preserve the future of hunting and fishing. Amendment 5 would not affect current laws relating to eminent domain, trespass, or property rights. It would also make hunting and fishing by the public the preferred means of managing and controlling wildlife in Alabama.
If Amendment 5 IS DEFEATED, the people of Alabama would still have the right to hunt and fish using traditional methods, but that right may be limited by existing or future laws and regulations. Also, the State Constitution would not state that hunting and fishing by the public is the preferred means of managing and controlling wildlife in Alabama.
No source of funding is required for this law.
The measure will have no impact on taxes.
The Constitutional authority for passage of this Amendment is set forth in Sections 284, 285, and 287 of the Constitution of Alabama of 1901. These sections outline the way a constitutional amendment may be put to the people of the State for a vote. 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Prostitutes in Florence

Florence, Alabama has a local legend that a prostitute plied her trade on the south side near Wilson Dam while riding a bicycle built for two, and carrying her customers to her apartment nearby.  Unfortunately, I have not found any concrete evidence of this very enterprising working girl.

However, there is a lot of circumstantial evidence that a Kate Nelson was a madam who operated a disorderly house in South Florence during the 1920's.  It was especially popular with construction workers who were then building Wilson Dam.  No locals owned up to visiting her, and it's likely that this sort of history is not appreciated by the local Fundies!

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Creepy Calendar

Lindner Caskets, a manufacturer of coffins in Poland, has for several years published a calendar featuring nude women posed next to or on coffins.  This has to be a new twist to the art calendar, and may be the creepiest calendar ever!

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Thoughts on Immigration

Let's face it: We have an illegal immigration problem, and we're not managing it very well.

Part of the problem is that Mexico and a few other countries to the south have millions in poverty, and they see immigration to the U.S. as a personal, practical solution.  And, for many, it is.  They come here and integrate themselves into the community pretty well over time.

Also, let's face it: a number of businesses or agricultural concerns would have problems in finding people to work for what they pay if it weren't for the illegal immigrants.  That pretty much accounted for why there were so many Spanish-speakers moving into northwest Alabama several years ago.  (You can get darned good tacos in Franklin County now.)  And a few years ago, when the state really cracked down on illegals, it was hard to find people to pick the crops.

But, screw it!  There's something just plain un-American to take advantage of those people because they are willing out of desperation to work for very slim wages.  And, to really load the argument shotgun: it seems to be also un-Christian.  And people who do that just plain suck.

A big part of the problem is the widespread willingness of employers to exploit these people coupled with almost nothing in the way of penalties for their doing so.  Plus they have the ethics of an alligator.

So, here's ol' Elvis's plan to deal with this kind of thing:

1.  Levy hefty fines for each person hired without documentation on the person or company who did the hiring.

2.  If those persons were hired for exploitation wages, then the person who did that spends some time in the cooler.

3.  If child exploitation or prostitution is involved, then send the offender to one of the more nasty prisons.  The Limestone Correction Facility is one.

4.  Develop a program for guest workers, legitimize the process, and make the social safety net available for them too.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Alexis de Toqueville on Journalists

In America there is scarcely a hamlet which has not its own newspaper. It may readily be imagined that neither discipline nor unity of design can be communicated to so multifarious a host, and each one is consequently led to fight under his own standard. All the political journals of the United States are arrayed indeed on the side of the administration or against it; but they attack and defend in a thousand different ways. They can not succeed in forming those great currents of opinion which overwhelm the most solid obstacles. This division of the influence of the press produces a variety of other consequences which are scarcely less remarkable. The facility with which journals can be established induces a multitude of individuals to take part in them; but as the extent of competition precludes the possibility of considerable profit, the most distinguished classes of society are rarely led to engage in these undertakings. But such is the number of the public prints that, even if they were a source of wealth, writers of ability could not be found to direct them all. The journalists of the United States are usually placed in a very humble position with a scanty education and a vulgar turn of mind.
But although the press is limited to these resources, its influence in America is immense. It is the power which impels the circulation of political life through all the districts of the vast territory. Its eye is open constantly to detect the secret springs of political designs, and to summon leaders of all parties to the bar of public opinion. It rallies the interest of the community round certain principles, and it draws up the creed which factions adopt; for it affords a means of intercourse between parties which hear, and which address each other without ever having been in immediate contact. When a great number of the organs of the press adopt the same line of conduct, their influence becomes irresistible; and public opinion, when it is perpetually assailed from the same side, eventually yields to the attack. In the United States each separate journal exercises but little authority but the power of the periodical press is only second to that of the people.

From Democracy in America, by Alexis de Toqueville.

Monday, August 18, 2014

The Pink Pony Pub

The Pink Pony Pub is a landmark in Gulf Shores, on the Redneck Riviera.

Disrespecting the KKK in Pulaski

The original (post Civil War) Ku Klux Klan was founded in Pulaski, Tennessee in 1865.  Years later, the United Daughters of the Confederacy installed a plaque on the law office where this took place.

The plaque was inscribed "Ku Klux Klan organized in this, the law office of Judge Thomas M. Jones, Dec. 24, 1865".

The residents of Pulaski were not thrilled with this plaque; but could not do anything about it until the building was sold.  Then, the new owner could have kept the plaque or had it taken down.

However, he simply reversed the plaque, effectively sending a message that the community wished sent.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

On a Shingle!

Here's a classic Army recipe: CREAMED BEEF ON TOAST (SOS)

1/2 lb. ground beef
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
4 tbsp. sifted flour
1 cup evaporated milk
1 cup water
2 tbsp. butter - hell, add more if you want

Brown ground beef in its own fat.  Remove excess fat and save for making roux. Season with salt and pepper.  To make a roux, place 2 tbsp. reserved fat in double broiler or heavy pan.  Slowly add sifted flour, stirring constantly over low heat until thoroughly blended.

Cook for five minutes. Do not brown.

Combine milk and water. Add butter and scald (not burn) in double broiler or heavy pan. Add roux to scalded milk, stirring constantly until thoroughly blended. Add meat mixture and cook about 10 minutes, or until desired consistency.  Serve on toast. 

Hot sauce is optional.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Should Alabama Legalize Marijuana?

A recent poll on had the interesting result that a majority of the Alabamians polled were in favor of legalizing marijuana.

My guess is that this majority would be overrepresented in the  "wet" counties, and underrepresented in the "dry" counties.

Some other points of interest:

1.  Republicans were 61% of those polled; Democrats 39%.

2.  A simple majority reported using marijuana at one time; but most were not present users.

3.  Many (65%) of the people polled saw it as a convenient "sin tax" or source of revenue.

4.  Although medical marijuana usage was never brought before the legislature, about 10% could see it as a possibility.

5.  Only 10% were completely opposed to marijuana being legalized.

So, will some brave soul in the Legislature go out on a limb and draft a bill?   It would take big balls, or big boobs, to do it.

Don't bogart that joint, my friend.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Blogger Screw-Up

I am in the habit of following several blogs; and the "Blogs I follow" function made this easier by listing several of the most recent ones posted.

No more.   Now there's only one.  And clicking on "View More" gives no more.  Thus, if I want to read other blogs, I have to click on them individually.  Bilbo's, for example.  Usually he puts his up very early; and on EDT as well.  But if someone on CDT like me reads "Blogs I follow," only the most recent one comes up.

Oh well, I'll make it a point to click on the blogs as blogs I follow on my blog page.

But Google doesn't make it easier.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Adopted Children's Access to Their Original Birth Certificates

Right now, only Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Oregon, and Alabama  allow unrestricted equal access to all adoptees over the age of 18.  In Rhode Island, they have restored access to all adoptees over the age of 25.

Washington State,  Illinois, and Ohio now have had successful legislation introduced that does allow many adoptees to access their original birth certificates, but this is subject to birth parents' vetoes.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Legality of Zoophilia in the United States

Red -- Zoophilia is a felony
Orange -- Zoophilia is a felony for second offenses
Yellow -- Zoophilia is a misdemeanor
Blue -- No status

However, Alabama passed legislation making zoophilia a misdemeanor in 2014.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Mood Mysterious

A lady wearing her nightgown with panties is beautiful in herself.  But imagine her posing with the straps of the gown down so that she is showing her beautiful decolletage.  

She seems pensively looking into the distance.  I asked her, "What are you thinking?"

"A root beer float!"

Monday, June 2, 2014

Jeff Davis's Birthday

There's an  article in the Wall Street Journal about how Alabamians are divided over Jefferson Davis's birthday being an official state holiday.  It's celebrated on the first Monday of June, but ole Jeff was born on June 3rd.

Actually, most Alabamians don't notice the day, unless they plan to do some state-related business and experience the rude surprise that it's a holiday.

More often, the rude surprise comes in the form of the ABC Store being closed.  Now that hits people where they live!  Imagine yourself, after a tough day at work, looking forward to a Mojito or two.  Or maybe a nice shot of Jack Daniels.  And you find the goddamn state store to be closed!  And this holiday generally is not preceded by any warning that the state agencies will be closed.


In my opinion, the major impetus for the state continuing to mark Jeff Davis's birthday is that it is seen by state employees as an entitlement; a paid holiday.  There would be a lot of bitching and screaming if anyone proposed doing away with it.

Unless they could come up with a substitute.  My pick would be Jim Folsom's birthday.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Go to Town, Cowboy!

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street, sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff.............

"I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her.......... So I did."

"We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.... So I did. "

"Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did. "

"Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts.... So I did."

"Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says,

Now go to town cowboy.' - 'And here I am.' "

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Mac Arthur Park

Dave Barry specifically crowned it the "Worst Song Ever Recorded" in his Book of Bad Songs.   Warning: it has strange metaphors; and it runs for over seven minutes.

Don't you agree it's the worst?

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


Our Ass in Chief, also known as Chief Justice Roy Moore of the Alabama Supreme Court, has a new twist on the First Amendment: it applies only to Christians!

This man is an embarrassment and a buffoon!  I did not vote for him, I'm pleased to say.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Annual Mullet Toss

The Annual Mullet Toss, held in late April at the Florabama Lounge on the Alabama-Florida state line, is the Gulf Coast's biggest event for partying, bikinis, and beer.  Contestants vie for how far they can toss a mullet. 

Just Alabamaians having fun!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Spring Break in the South

Southerners tend to gravitate to the beaches of Alabama and  Northern Florida during March and April, it being Spring Break time.  I was able to talk Jennifer into letting me post one of her sort of relaxing on the Redneck Riviera.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Community Service

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks the barber about his bill. "I'm sorry, I can't accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week."

The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there's a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

Later that day a cop comes in for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I can't accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week."

The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

Later that day a Democrat comes for a haircut and when he asks the barber what he owes, the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I can't accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week."

The Democrat is very happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen Democrats waiting at his door.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Admiral Jeremiah Denton, R.I.P.

Today Alabama lost a true hero.

Admiral Jeremiah Denton, at 89, has passed away.

He was noted for this service in the Viet Nam War, and for being a prisoner of war for 7-1/2 years.  During a taped interview, he eyeblinked "torture" to inform Americans of conditions in the Hanoi Hilton.

After returning to the states, he retired from the Navy, and had brief service as one of the Senators from Alabama, 1980-1986.

Rest easy, Admiral Denton!  Your service is appreciated!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

The Persistence of Segregation

A recent study by UCLA looked into the degree to which segregation persists in the various states.  Surprisingly, according to their data, the states with the most segregated public schools were New York, Illinois, Michigan, and California.  This is astonishing' especially when no Southern state came close to the degrees of segregation that those states apparently have.

In some schools in those states, African-American or Latino children were in classes with nary a white child.

Clearly, the United States still has a far piece to go when it comes to ending segregation and promoting a more diverse school system, with equal opportunities for all.  Perhaps some school boards need to do some soul searching into why it is the case for them, and how they might do better.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

A New Republican Manifesto

Okay I'm a Republican; not a card-carrying one as Alabama doesn't issue 'em. And I want to say that for the past several years the G.O.P. has had its head in its pachydermal ass by emphasizing the wrong things and failing to keep its focus on basic principles.

Anyway, here's a few things I think the party should focus on.

1.  It should support the freedom of people to make contracts in whatever form they want.  And, guess what?  Here's some parts of the deal. 

a.  Marriage is, in its essence, a type of contract.  And if two people of  the same sex, or three people, or four people are adults and actively desire this and consent to its form, then the State or the Federal Government should have no particular interest in the matter.

b.  While I'm not in favor of unions, if the workers of a company and the company itself wants a local union, then minions of the state should not try to exert pressure to discourage it.  That twerp Bob Corker of Tennessee got his fingers into the question of whether the VW plant in Chattanooga should unionize and may have influenced the outcome by dubious predictions.

2.  It should encourage commerce; but should not selectively boost or bail out some industries or cities, for that matter.  The "Too Big to Let Fail" concept may be invoked for GM; but Saturn can go down the tube.  After all, it's only Tennessee.  And when it comes to cities, Boston or New York will likely be bailed out.  Right now, Birmingham is in bankruptcy.  But the federals are kissing it off.

3.  One thing that the Party should be for is individual freedom.  Yes, and that includes operating your business on Sunday, buying and drinking alcohol if desired, and using pot.  The Federal Government should not be in the morals police business, and neither should the State or County authorities.  (Madison County is, thankfully, wet!)

4.  And this goes for sex toys too.  A gal (or guy) should be able to own as many dildos or Real Girls or gupieres as one pleases!

5.  We should stop spouting that Tea Party nonsense.  What sort of Federal spending ought to continue?  Well, that regarding health, research in basic science, having an adequate military ability to respond to whatever contingencies there are.  Some government is necessary.  Those are examples.  Basic research is underfunded right now because small-minded people look only for an immediate payoff.  [Okay, I'm in favor of health care spending, but do it right!]

6.  We should be against spending dough we don't have.  If we see there's a need for something, be it M-22 light sabers, sex ed for teens, or rim jobs for Senators, then we should pony up the dough for it by passing some tax with the money earmarked for it.

7.  We should become the Party of Fun, not the Party That Scolds.  Leave that to the Democrats or the Tea Party rump element.  And I mean rump in the sense of what is sat on.  Take not counsel of your false friends, the religious right.  They're the right only to use you, donkey brains!

8.  Be for peace, but be prepared for war if needed.  But don't get involved in fights that unwinnable.  Also, if it's a Europe matter, let the E.U. do it.  The combination of the Wehrmacht, the French Army, and the Italians should be daunting enough.

9.  Jesus H. Christ, come up with some better possible candidates than Mitt Romney or Rick Santorum!  

Sunday, March 2, 2014

This Is Bulls**t!

No, nothing in particular, other than the fig-leaf attempt to cover a cuss word's sting by throwing in a few asterisks.  Even a myoptic nun knows what is meant by bulls**t.  It's bullshit, of course; and it smells as bad with or without the asterisks.

And the asterisks in no way remove the sting.  If people are going to be bothered by this tauro-scatological expression, then would they really less bothered if it cloaked in asterisks or other punctuation marks? 

My suggestion is: Either write the profanity as it is, or don't use it.  The asterisks make the user look coy and sneaky.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Banned High School Recruitment Poster

This was developed to recruit high school students to attend Auburn University back in the 1970's.

A bigger version:

Monday, February 24, 2014

Finding Intelligent Life on Mars

 It was a celebratory mood for the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.

As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head of the project, Dr. Wilson, asked everyone to be quiet as he was receiving a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

He picked up a special red phone.

"Mr. President," said Dr. Wilson, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of difficult research and spending billions of dollars, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.

He said, "But that's impossible... we could never do it... yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He then addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.

"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

Monday, February 10, 2014

Katy Perry on Prayer and Politics

Katy Perry talked about her encounter with the Almighty when she was 11 years old.  "I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, ‘God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can't see my feet when I'm lying down?’… God answered my prayers. I had no clue they would fall into my armpits eventually."

Katy also declared that she won Wisconsin for Obama.  Definitely she shows political prowess as a kingmaker.  Maybe next time she can win Alabama for the Democrats!

Anyway, she makes a good case for the efficacy of prayer.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Happy Wardrobe Malfunction Anniversary!

Today is the Tenth Anniversary of Super Bowl XXXVIII.

It is the one noted particularly for the exposure of Janet Jackson's right breast during the halftime show, courtesy of Justin Timberlake.

But what else is remembered? 

Which teams played?

Which team won?

Did the winning team cover the spread?

Who was the MVP?

Where was the game played?

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Unanticipated Severe Snowstorm

Last night the Yellowhammer State was hit by an unanticipated severe snowstorm, which totally tied up normal lives.

Some children and teachers were stranded in schools overnight; so they are having a different experience.   Would it be okay for the schools to let them make 'Smores?  Actually, parents wonder when will they get their kids back.

And in other news, two Norwegian politicians trolled by nominating ex-patriate (hopefully for good) leaker and traitor for the Nobel Peace Prize.  What a pimp job!


Sunday, January 26, 2014

For the Die-Hard MLB Fans

You've been a long-suffering Chicago Cubs fan; or one of those arrogant NY Yankees fans; or maybe one of those St. Louis Cardinals fans, and it's time to go to that great Field of Dreams in the sky.  Your love ones could send you off in true style.  Here's a site where they can select a proper casket for you to reside in for all eternity: 

Of course, if you had pissed your spouse off while you were alive, she might have you planted in a coffin for a rival team.

Imagine a adulterous Yankees fan who died and was placed in a Red Sox coffin for all eternity!  Is that Yankee Hell, or what?

Sunday, January 12, 2014

John Winger's Motivational Speech to His Fellow Soldiers

(From the movie Stripes:)

John Winger: Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! The hell's the matter with you? Stupid! We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts! Here's proof: his nose is cold! But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw "Old Yeller?" Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end?
[raises his hand]

John Winger: *sarcastically* Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot? I'm sure.
[hands are reluctantly raised]

John Winger: I cried my eyes out. So we're all dogfaces, we're all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in the Army. We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us - we're soldiers. But we're American soldiers! We've been kicking ass for 200 years! We're 10 and 1! Now we don't have to worry about whether or not we practiced. We don't have to worry about whether Captain Stillman wants to have us hung. All we have to do is to be the great American fighting soldier that is inside each one of us. Now do what I do, and say what I say. And make me proud.

Strangely enough, that makes me proud to be an American.  And an Alabamian.

John Winger was played by Bill Murray in what must have been his most successful and loveable role.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Real Joy to the World!

At one time, us Alabamians were limited to 5% beer, and only that.  Now, with increases in allowable alcoholic content, we see a number of craft beers available in state.  This is good: nothing worse that a redneck loaded up on Bud Lite.

Who says progress can't happen here?  We're not limited to sissy beer!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

A Seriously Bad Idea

Today the New York Times, in an op-ed piece, called for clemency for Edward Snowden.  Yes, reward treason if it's politically expedient for their cause.  What a fucked-up notion!

What next: retroactive clemency for Benedict Arnold?

Douchebag newspaper!