Tuesday, February 27, 2018

States With Official Rock Songs

When state legislatures have slow moments, they enact some "feel good" legislation, such as official state waltzes or official state neckties.

But only three states have state rock songs. Here are the three:

(1) Ohio: "Hang on Sloopy" -- The McCoys:

Sloopy is wearing 'em loose.

(2) Oklahoma: "Do You Realize" -- The Flaming Lips:

(3) Washington: "Louie, Louie" -- The Kingsmen:

Which one rings your bell best?

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Move Over, Roseanne!

Someone had to do it, eventually. 

Fergie managed to top Roseanne Barr's rendition of the "Star-Spangled Banner." Here she is, if you can deal with it:

This occurred at the NBA All-Star Game.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Religion and Shit

Taoism: Shit happens. 

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. 

Zen Buddhism:  What is the sound of shit happening? 

Hinduism: This shit has happened before. 

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. 

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. 

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. 

Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen. 

Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it. 

Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it. 

Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another. 

Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another. 

Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it. 

Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) 

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? 

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work. 

Creationism: God made all shit. 

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves. 

Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray! 

Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit. 

Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. 

Utopianism: This shit does not stink. 

Capitalism: That's MY shit. 

Communism: It's everybody's shit. 

Feminism: Men are shit.

Commercialism: Let's package this shit. 

Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

Idolism: Let's bronze this shit. 

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS. 

Stoicism: This shit is good for me. 

Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening! 

Wiccan: An long as it harms none, let shit happen. 

Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. 

Jehovah's Witnesse: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening. 

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. 

Atheism: I can't believe this shit! 

Nihilism: No shit. 

Narcissism: I am the shit!

Thursday, February 15, 2018

A Reason for Unflattering Stereotypes About Alabama

The difference between stereotypes and reality is often jarring: let's consider the case of Alabama. The stereotypes of the state are highly crude; depending on the venom it can include it being a place of dumb, backward, incestuous rednecks with a proclivity towards violence and a predilection for football.

Alabama in real life isn't that way. The reality is that it's warm and partly rural; but mostly like the other states. There are areas within the state that look pretty much like those elsewhere. Especially shopping malls and residential areas.

I have a theory of stereotyping: they are due partly to conveniently categorize places or people, to simplify things for minds that don't want to work too hard.

But some stereotypes are also used to bemerde possible rivals. For example, Alabama has successfully attracted large-scale scientific and manufacturing activities. The spinoff from Redstone Arsenal greatly impacted the Huntsville area (where I'm working!). And car and airplane manufacturing has impacted several areas, notably Tuscaloosa and Mobile.

Yes, having Airbus manufactured in Alabama can impact Boeing in Washington state. And if a car plant opens in Limestone County, Alabama, it isn't being opened in Butthole County, Massachuetts!  There's only so many planes or types of cars that are really needed in any given year.  And I wouldn't mind our people getting a piece of the pie.

Promoting those stereotypes can be an attempt to handicap the opposition. (Alabama, in this case.) Some people might deliberately do this.

So, financial writer for the Seattle newspaper, go piss a rope! Big Bad Alabama is going to eat some of your pie, with a side order of grits!

Sunday, February 11, 2018

A Fresh Air View on Religion

It's one of the hassles of American life: so many people are not willing to leave the fuck alone when it comes to religion, politics, diet, or even sports teams.

Several years ago, Kathy, a friend of mine, posted this opinion regarding religion. I think she said it well; and I wish people would follow suit on politics and other matters as well.

I'm an Auburn fan; not an Alabama one. And, dammit, don't put kale on my pizza or in a smoothie even despite its alleged health-giving prospects. And I'm okay with gluten.

And I guess I'm a RINO Republican. I don't play with that Roy Moore shit.

Is it un-American to leave people alone? Do you get salvation points for converting others?

Think about it. Diversity can be healthy.

And we need both political parties; and others that come along. Because whatever party gets in power too long tends to make collective asses out of themselves.

Yes, religious types: I'm a firm believer in The Fall: The natural tendency of human beings to fuck it up if they have too much rope.