Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Unanticipated Severe Snowstorm

Last night the Yellowhammer State was hit by an unanticipated severe snowstorm, which totally tied up normal lives.

Some children and teachers were stranded in schools overnight; so they are having a different experience.   Would it be okay for the schools to let them make 'Smores?  Actually, parents wonder when will they get their kids back.

And in other news, two Norwegian politicians trolled by nominating ex-patriate (hopefully for good) leaker and traitor for the Nobel Peace Prize.  What a pimp job!


Sunday, January 26, 2014

For the Die-Hard MLB Fans

You've been a long-suffering Chicago Cubs fan; or one of those arrogant NY Yankees fans; or maybe one of those St. Louis Cardinals fans, and it's time to go to that great Field of Dreams in the sky.  Your love ones could send you off in true style.  Here's a site where they can select a proper casket for you to reside in for all eternity: 

Of course, if you had pissed your spouse off while you were alive, she might have you planted in a coffin for a rival team.

Imagine a adulterous Yankees fan who died and was placed in a Red Sox coffin for all eternity!  Is that Yankee Hell, or what?

Sunday, January 12, 2014

John Winger's Motivational Speech to His Fellow Soldiers

(From the movie Stripes:)

John Winger: Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! The hell's the matter with you? Stupid! We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts! Here's proof: his nose is cold! But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw "Old Yeller?" Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end?
[raises his hand]

John Winger: *sarcastically* Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot? I'm sure.
[hands are reluctantly raised]

John Winger: I cried my eyes out. So we're all dogfaces, we're all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in the Army. We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us - we're soldiers. But we're American soldiers! We've been kicking ass for 200 years! We're 10 and 1! Now we don't have to worry about whether or not we practiced. We don't have to worry about whether Captain Stillman wants to have us hung. All we have to do is to be the great American fighting soldier that is inside each one of us. Now do what I do, and say what I say. And make me proud.

Strangely enough, that makes me proud to be an American.  And an Alabamian.

John Winger was played by Bill Murray in what must have been his most successful and loveable role.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Real Joy to the World!

At one time, us Alabamians were limited to 5% beer, and only that.  Now, with increases in allowable alcoholic content, we see a number of craft beers available in state.  This is good: nothing worse that a redneck loaded up on Bud Lite.

Who says progress can't happen here?  We're not limited to sissy beer!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

A Seriously Bad Idea

Today the New York Times, in an op-ed piece, called for clemency for Edward Snowden.  Yes, reward treason if it's politically expedient for their cause.  What a fucked-up notion!

What next: retroactive clemency for Benedict Arnold?

Douchebag newspaper!