Thursday, December 29, 2011

Japan III

This sign actually contains pictograms indicating that you should give up you seat to:
a.  Someone with an injured arm.
b.  A woman holding a child.
c.  A pregnant woman
d.  Someone with a broken leg.

Monday, December 26, 2011

I'm for Bama!

Yeah . . . . I know.  This is from an Auburn graduate and fan . . . . but let me explain.

We won the BCS Championship last year.  I think it would be cool if another Alabama institution were to do it too.

And I don't go in for that anti-Bama schadenfreude.  That's just chickenshit!

We have a rivalry with Bama.  Don't let it be a mean-spirited one.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Japan II

The Japanese enjoy baseball.  It's easy to see why!

I love Japan!  I love the language, the people, and the customs!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Worried About the Swine Flu?

The Government has issued an official color chart to indicate threat of Swine Flu levels:

Monday, November 28, 2011

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Show Time

I just think she's cute, with her lack of inhibitions!
They're so pretty, by the way!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Beauty and the Geek

Do you remember the MTV program Beauty and the Geek?  There was many a hot girl that developed lustful fantasies over that possibility.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Religion and Shit

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen Buddhism:  What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.

Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.

Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.

Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.

Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.

Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.

Creationism: God made all shit.

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.

Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!

Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.

Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.

Utopianism: This shit does not stink.

Capitalism: That's MY shit.

Communism: It's everybody's shit.

Feminism: Men are shit.

Commercialism: Let's package this shit.

Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.

Stoicism: This shit is good for me.

Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!

Wiccan: An long as it harms none, let shit happen.

Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.

Jehovah's Witnesse: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.

Atheism: I can't believe this shit!

Nihilism: No shit.

Narcissism: I am the shit!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Esthetics of the Breast

Patrick Mallucci, a plastic surgeon, did research on the ideal breast type to determine what was desired in breast implant surgery.  He used a sample of Page 3 girls from The Sun to empirically determine what was the most desirable breast contours using a series of scientific measurements.

Mallucci used computer measuring tools to examine the dimensions and proportions of each pair of breasts, identifying four features common to all of them: the upper and lower pole (medical terms that describe the areas above and below the nipple), plus the angle at which the nipple points, and the slope of the upper pole.

‘His findings indicated that in all cases the nipple ‘‘meridian’’ – the horizontal line drawn at the level of the nipple – lay at a point where, on average, the proportion of the breast above it represented 45 per cent of overall volume of the breast and below it 55 per cent.  In the majority of cases the upper pole was either straight or concave

Now for the perkiness factor:  The angle at which the nipple was pointing skywards was most esthetic at an average angle of 20 degrees.  In all cases the breasts demonstrated a tight convex lower pole – a neat but voluminous curve.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Four Clergymen Give Confession

Four clergymen met regularly for a weekly breakfast.  After a long while they thought they knew each other well enough to confess to each other their most worrisome transgressions.

The first pastor told the other three he had a problem with alcohol.  His problem was so bad that his congregation began to whisper about it - which caused is wife to be embarrassed and ashamed.

The second pastor told the others that he had a gambling problem.  He was so far in debt that his children may not be able to attend college.  And that made his whole family very angry.

The third pastor sheepishly admitted an addiction to pornography.  He told the others that he surfed the net looking for photos of acts that he and his wife may perform together.  When he showed a particular picture to his wife she was immediately offended and became quite upset.

The fourth and final pastor hemmed and hawed, making excuses and asked to be exempted from the confession table.  The other three were indignant.  “We confessed to you, now you have to confess to us!” they all demanded, in unison.  After unusually strong words and strident remarks, the fourth pastor agreed to confess.  “My greatest fault,” he said, “is gossip!”

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Is Getting a Brazil Waxing a Sin?

A friend of mine (Bakku-Shan) wrote this; and gave me permission to reprint it.  Check out her website:


One topic that was never covered in my education regarding right from wrong was whether getting a Brazil wax was a sin.  After all, there you are, your bottom exposed to another person who smears hot wax on it, allows it to dry on some tape, and pulls it off suddenly! 

Ouch!  It hurts too much to be fun.  But this is the cost of wearing a bikini and not showing tell-tail hairs.   So, I got one.    

Shortly afterwards, I got religious fervor, and started going to church more regularly, even though my bottom was still bare.  (Hopefully, that is not sacreligious.)  Since it was a while since my last confession, I decided to do an in-church confession, seeing the priest in the confessional.

So I went:

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  It was a year since my last confession.  My sins are gossiping, cursing often, and oh yes, I got a Brazil waxing."

A long masculine sigh . . . .

"I don't think that's a sin, my child.  The Church does not proscribe any form of floor wax, to my knowledge."

Sometimes it pays to get an old priest.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Stork Theory in Human Reproduction

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork. Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school.

In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork. If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.

2. The alleged human foetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.

3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.

4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.

5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.

6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Miss Cleveland

While she is shy and modest, occasionally she does come out out of the muu-muu and exhibit her splendid figure in a string bikini.  The panty strings were of a special design, courtesy of  Parma Engineering; and her bra is a cantilever design taking load bearing data and oscillation due to swaying into account.  Ohio civil engineering rules!

Miss Cleveland

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Turn the Other Cheek

Jessica always tried to live Biblically.  She has a delicious tan all the way through.  The bikini is only for the picture.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Modest Algorithm for Proper Voting in Elections

Arrgh!  Choices, choices, choices!  All rendered difficult because they're so often so bad!  And next year is the Big Election Year:  Obama against the Republican to be named later.  And all of the local offices, the House and Senate races, and other kinds of things.  It's enough to drive even the most sober Baptist deacon to the Boobie Bungalow (Milepost 6 on I-65) for solace and beverages.

What makes it especially bad is that guys and gals, exhausted from the day's labors, must be regaled by telephone calls doing "surveys or polls," being asked if they plan to vote, whom they plan to vote for, and why should their vote be cast for a particular candidate.  This is what is truly the blight of the season; and it makes the apartment less of a sanctuary than it could be.  I can't use the disconnect option, as I'm on call.

I've tried shame:

1.  Your call woke up my cat Bubba.

I've tried pleading:

2.  Can you call at some less inconvenient time.

My girlfriend even tried a real doozy:

3.  I almost had my orgasm when your call interrupted me.  [!]

Anyway, from now on, I plan to play hard ball.

So I will do the following: 

1.  Every time I get a politically-related call, I will note which candidate it is on behalf of.
2.  When it's available, I will get a printed copy of the official ballot for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and for the General Election for Madison County.
3.  Any call on behalf of a candidate will result in my drawing a line through that candidate's name.
4.  I will choose whom to vote for among those without lines through their names; namely, the non-callers.
5.  I will tell each political caller: "You called me at home; I choose not to vote for your candidate because you called.

This should at least make me feel good.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

My Predictions for the SEC, 2011

Well, the first weekend with the not-serious games is over (LSU - Oregon excepted).  Now the conference is getting into serious business.

Here's my predictions for 2011:


1.  LSU Tigers
2.  Alabama Crimson Tide
3.  Auburn Tigers
4.  Arkansas Razorbacks
5.  Mississippi State Bulldogs
6.  Mississippi Rebels


1.  Florida Gators
2.  South Carolina Gamecocks
3.  Tennessee Volunteers
4.  Georgia Bulldogs
5.  Kentucky Wildcats
6.  Vanderbilt Commodores

I wonder how Texas A & M will fit into this when they finally join.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Three Engineers

Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps.

After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer. Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?"

"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron."

Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"

He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?"

"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder."

Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"

"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?"

"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village."

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Wild Surmises

There's a lazy tendency on the part of some people whenever a story regarding Alabama goes into prominence in the news: they fill in whetever facts might be present with cartoonish stereotypes of unlettered Bubbas and Missys  doing picturesque, outlandish, and sometimes brutish things.  And immediately jumping to the conclusion that, if it's Bama-related, then it must be second- or even third-class.

Actually, Alabama does a number of things right.  It has several higher education institutions that are really good, including the football-prominent ones, namely Auburn and Alabama.  Actually, UAB, UAH, UNA, and USA have good programs where a student who works at it can get a good education.  Its cities are largely liveable and affordable.  Its residents work hard, live well, and behave reasonably well.

Even the stereotype of the Bible Belt is overdone.  While things are not as wide open, they're hardly closed.  It only takes a visit to Pleasures or the Flora-Bama Lounge, or Gulf Shores to see otherwise.

Actually, most of the time, people from the north and west don't think about Alabama very often; and that may be just as well because when they happen to do so, they don't make much effort to get the facts.

Case in point: the Amy Bishop story.  The facts you can pretty much get online, although I might mention that her case is yet to go to trial.  However, when it first broke, there were all sorts of wild generalizations by writers and bloggers:

1)  This is the result of the Southern Culture of Violence and a high level of local violence;

2)  The University of Alabama in Huntsville (UAH), where it happened, is a "second-rate" institution in a backwater.  In fact, it's a well-regarded regional institution heavily emphasizing science and engineering in a high-tech city characterized by one of the better educated populations.  [The hasty concluder was a faculty member at Northeastern University, which is not exactly a household word in itself, either.]

3)  Some managed apparently to mix up UAH with the University of Alabama and its football prowess!  Hint: at UAH the major sport is ice hockey!

4)  There was a lapse of accountability in terms of seeing this possibly from happening. 
however, in fact, the Huntsville Police Department and UAH had no warning of possible danger because authorities in another state either covered up previous episodes of apparent violence by the alleged shooter, or failed to identify those as such.

So, maybe whenever Bama-related stories come up in the future, those who comment on them should pay more attention to little nagging details, and get the true facts right.  Perhaps the Panamanians could help out by shooing those wild surmisers off of those peaks in Darien!

Anyway, we'll get by in Bama.  I'll have a beer at the Flora-Bama, and eat lots of nice barbecue.