Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Modest Algorithm for Proper Voting in Elections

Arrgh!  Choices, choices, choices!  All rendered difficult because they're so often so bad!  And next year is the Big Election Year:  Obama against the Republican to be named later.  And all of the local offices, the House and Senate races, and other kinds of things.  It's enough to drive even the most sober Baptist deacon to the Boobie Bungalow (Milepost 6 on I-65) for solace and beverages.

What makes it especially bad is that guys and gals, exhausted from the day's labors, must be regaled by telephone calls doing "surveys or polls," being asked if they plan to vote, whom they plan to vote for, and why should their vote be cast for a particular candidate.  This is what is truly the blight of the season; and it makes the apartment less of a sanctuary than it could be.  I can't use the disconnect option, as I'm on call.

I've tried shame:

1.  Your call woke up my cat Bubba.

I've tried pleading:

2.  Can you call at some less inconvenient time.

My girlfriend even tried a real doozy:

3.  I almost had my orgasm when your call interrupted me.  [!]

Anyway, from now on, I plan to play hard ball.

So I will do the following: 

1.  Every time I get a politically-related call, I will note which candidate it is on behalf of.
2.  When it's available, I will get a printed copy of the official ballot for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and for the General Election for Madison County.
3.  Any call on behalf of a candidate will result in my drawing a line through that candidate's name.
4.  I will choose whom to vote for among those without lines through their names; namely, the non-callers.
5.  I will tell each political caller: "You called me at home; I choose not to vote for your candidate because you called.

This should at least make me feel good.

1 comment:

  1. I like your approach. I would moon the caller if I could. Idiot political solicitors! Like I'm sitting around with baited b reath at my telephone, just dying to hear from them!