Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Miss Cleveland

While she is shy and modest, occasionally she does come out out of the muu-muu and exhibit her splendid figure in a string bikini.  The panty strings were of a special design, courtesy of  Parma Engineering; and her bra is a cantilever design taking load bearing data and oscillation due to swaying into account.  Ohio civil engineering rules!

Miss Cleveland

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Turn the Other Cheek

Jessica always tried to live Biblically.  She has a delicious tan all the way through.  The bikini is only for the picture.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Modest Algorithm for Proper Voting in Elections

Arrgh!  Choices, choices, choices!  All rendered difficult because they're so often so bad!  And next year is the Big Election Year:  Obama against the Republican to be named later.  And all of the local offices, the House and Senate races, and other kinds of things.  It's enough to drive even the most sober Baptist deacon to the Boobie Bungalow (Milepost 6 on I-65) for solace and beverages.

What makes it especially bad is that guys and gals, exhausted from the day's labors, must be regaled by telephone calls doing "surveys or polls," being asked if they plan to vote, whom they plan to vote for, and why should their vote be cast for a particular candidate.  This is what is truly the blight of the season; and it makes the apartment less of a sanctuary than it could be.  I can't use the disconnect option, as I'm on call.

I've tried shame:

1.  Your call woke up my cat Bubba.

I've tried pleading:

2.  Can you call at some less inconvenient time.

My girlfriend even tried a real doozy:

3.  I almost had my orgasm when your call interrupted me.  [!]

Anyway, from now on, I plan to play hard ball.

So I will do the following: 

1.  Every time I get a politically-related call, I will note which candidate it is on behalf of.
2.  When it's available, I will get a printed copy of the official ballot for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and for the General Election for Madison County.
3.  Any call on behalf of a candidate will result in my drawing a line through that candidate's name.
4.  I will choose whom to vote for among those without lines through their names; namely, the non-callers.
5.  I will tell each political caller: "You called me at home; I choose not to vote for your candidate because you called.

This should at least make me feel good.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

My Predictions for the SEC, 2011

Well, the first weekend with the not-serious games is over (LSU - Oregon excepted).  Now the conference is getting into serious business.

Here's my predictions for 2011:


1.  LSU Tigers
2.  Alabama Crimson Tide
3.  Auburn Tigers
4.  Arkansas Razorbacks
5.  Mississippi State Bulldogs
6.  Mississippi Rebels


1.  Florida Gators
2.  South Carolina Gamecocks
3.  Tennessee Volunteers
4.  Georgia Bulldogs
5.  Kentucky Wildcats
6.  Vanderbilt Commodores

I wonder how Texas A & M will fit into this when they finally join.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Three Engineers

Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps.

After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer. Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?"

"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron."

Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"

He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?"

"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder."

Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"

"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?"

"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village."