Sunday, March 29, 2015

Friday, March 27, 2015

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Breasts Have Gotten Larger

Chicken breasts have gotten larger in the past sixty years. Broilers take less time to reach a salable weight, or can grow into super chickens. Here's how they typically grew in 1957, 1978, and 2005 after 8, 28, and 56 days.

The only problem is that some chicken parts take longer to fry.




Sunday, March 22, 2015

De Soto Falls

Here's a nice view of De Soto Falls at De Soto State Park near Fort Payne, Alabama:


Saturday, March 14, 2015

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Advice From My Predecessor

I just started working at my new job, and I found a large manila envelope on my desk when I first got there. It had these words on it:

"These three envelopes were left to you by the previous employee who was recently let go. He said to open them in order if you ever got into a jam."

The job didn't seem so tough, and after all, why would I want to take advice from the guy who was just fired? I threw the envelopes into a drawer and settled into my new job. The people were friendly, there were always fresh donuts and bottomless coffee, and everything always just fell into place.

Until one day it hit the fan. Everyone came looking for me for this major issue, and I'll be honest, I didn't know what to do. For whatever reason, I was reminded of the envelopes and proceeded to open the one marked #1.

"Blame the previous guy."

Well, sure! I mean, if it wasn't for all the stuff he did in the past, we wouldn't be in this predicament now! I told everyone it was the previous guy's fault, and everyone seemed to accept that. Slowly, business got back to normal. I felt like I dodged a bullet. Months went by and not a single bump in the road. 

And then...Another emergency. I could hear people yelling my name, and not in a good way. Without hesitation, I reached for envelope #2.

"Blame the support staff."

Right? I mean, if they were doing their job and told me sooner, I could have fixed all of this before it was even a problem! Everyone nodded. Couldn't argue with that logic. I was relieved to have dodged another bullet. I must be pretty good at this after all!

A full year went by and, sure, some people had since been let go, but I was still sitting pretty with a good job and a carefree attitude. Things just always seemed to work out! When the next crisis hit, I wasn't even phased. I could hear the people yelling my name, and I could almost even imagine them carrying pitchforks all aimed at me. Whatever. I still had that final envelope which I opened as everyone was amassed at my door.

"Prepare three envelopes," it said...

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Hang on Sloopy

The Ohio House of Representatives, having improved that state as far as it can be improved, recently passed a motion making "Hang on Sloopy" as the official state rock song.  "Hang on Sloopy" was recorded by the McCoys while they were still in high school.  It was their biggest hit.  It later got adopted by the Ohio State band.

http://www.fox19.com/story/28261840/bill-to-make-hang-on-sloopy-ohios-rock-song-passes-house




Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Not Just Petty; Pure Chickenshit!

I know high school is about rules' sometimes rules up the wazzo.   Yes, I was a product of a north Alabama high school.  Yes, the assistant principal was a dick: a real schmuck, as the Yiddish speakers would say.  

But the Olympic class of pettiness came from Los Angeles, where the Narbonne High School girls' Gauchos basketball team was originally kicked out of an end of season tournament because the team wore jerseys with pink lettering and numerals.  Why did they do so?  For breast cancer awareness!  No, they weren't wearing I (heart) boobies wristbands that some people get riled about.  I thought, naively, that breast cancer awareness was as uncontroversial as hell!  

Well, they relented on the team's penalty; but Coach Victoria Sanders was suspended from coaching for the rest of the season.  So much for teaching character building in the players.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/03/04/high-school-basketball-coach-suspended-after-female-players-seen-wearing-pink/?cmpid=edpick&google_editors_picks=true