Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Richard Brautigan Poem

The petals of the vagina unfold
like Christopher Columbus
taking off his shoes.

Is there anything more beautiful
than the bow of a ship
touching a new world? 

Sunday, September 24, 2017


I like boobs, I like tits,
before you touch, you must get permits.
Nothing like a nice pair of assets,
oh how puppies make nice pets.
Bazongas are boobs that are large,
strippers and hookers, will always charge.
Nothing like the perfect bosom,
but only on the perfect woman.
Breasts are yummy dark or white,
but first you must wait for an invite.
Some girls even have a third nipple,
do not squeeze says Mr. Whipple.
I don't mind girls on the itty, bitty, titty committee,
on a carpenters dream, I show no pity.
They could be called a bust, some call them cans,
a woman's squeeze box, all men are fans.
Chesticles is a term I have never heard,
but everyday, I learn a new word.

I like cones, I like jugs,
girls with big ones, I give hugs.
Al Bundy loved calling them hooters,
at the restaurant, I wish I was one of the recruiters.
A girl with a nice set of knockers,
might find herself with unwanted stalkers.
Fergie sang about her lovely lady lumps,
a good set of melons, still give me goose bumps.
Boobs always come in a pair,
why do bra's, they have to wear.
Even men who smoke lots of crack,
still can appreciate a good sized rack.
I don't care if there fake or real.
in a crowded room, I always cop a feel.
Girls love showing off some cleavage,
I wish I lived in a booby village.
Babies need breast milk to make them stronger,
if the mom is hot, they may do it longer.
In conclusion, I love boobs,
with whipped cream or melting ice cubes.

Monday, September 18, 2017

I'd Like to Change My Vote Retroactively

Okay, okay! Enough, ready!

Last Fall, I thought both political parties came up with awful candidates. I wound up voting for HRC, simply as the lesser of two evils.

While Donald Trump has done nothing to change my negative opinion of his candidacy since, Hillary Clinton has managed to spend the past six months or so to make mine of her more negative than it was before.

Specifically, her book What Happened depicted her in a very self-serving, negative manner. She in no way owned up to why she lost.

Why did she lose? 

It wasn't Bernie Sanders, or James Comey, or young women failing to vote their sex. Not really. It wasn't the plethora of "deplorables" as she styled them. 

But doing so was a gaffe of the first order.

Some of it was her suckling up to the udders of Wall Street, some of it was the lingering bad taste from her husband's two terms, some of it was that she came on with a sense that she was entitled to the nomination by the Democratic Party.

And Madeline Albright's remark about 'the special place in Hell for young women who don't support her.'

No, she lost because she was not seen as trustworthy by a lot of people.

The scandal of the superdelegates helped make the Democratic Party's selection process look like a rigged deck.

And she thought that she had Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania in the bag; and consequently didn't campaign there like she should have.

So for whom would I like to change my 2016 vote to?

Bubba the Cat!

Because I think that a representative of felis catus would have made a better President, and more honest, that the two that the Republicans and Democrats came up with.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Where Is Mississippi?

The Seattle Times, when it published a map on the projected path of Hurricane Harvey, showed this one:

Clearly, they must regard Mississippi as inconsequential. Maybe because of their football.

Best wishes for relief for the affected people of Texas! 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Tuesday's Special Senate Election

Tuesday's special election to fill in the seat vacated by the state's official Keebler elf, Jeff Session, presents some of the usual suspects and possible surprises. 

Well, there's Big Luther Strange, tainted by being named to the seat by The Luv Guv Robert Bentley, himself. There's Mo Brooks, of Tea Party-like appeal, and there's that disgusting Roy Moore. What a line up! 

And there are some unsung Democrats who might have a chance if Roy Moore gets the Republican nod in their primary. What a future is in store for the poor U.S. Senate!

And politics old-style is still going on. Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell, not bosom buddies to be sure, both endorsed Big Luther. While Trump won Alabama last November, Alabama voters typically don't take kindly to outsiders, including from NYC or Kentucky, telling them how to vote or what to do. 

Roy Moore will get the Fundie vote. Though God knows. Or some ignoramous preachers.

And there's those attack ads by Luther Strange implying that Mo Brooks is in cahoots with that odious Nancy Pelosi. What a scream! Pelosi couldn't sell ten dollar bills at a 50% discount in AL.  Still, some people might believe it.

Anyway, this is going to be really ugly, however it turns out. Even the national papers are following it.

The bottom line is that Alabama is in the twilight zone when politics are destabilized. At least the Governorship seems to be on an even keel and football season is soon to start.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

An Incident at Gulf Shores

A Michigan guy named Matt went with his buddies to Gulf Shores to check out those Alabama women and party. Mostly with beer. So they purchased a cooler and a bunch of cases of beer and went down to the shore.

Well, our Wolverine had a few; and incautiously mixed some rye with the beer, making Michigan-style boilermakers. He felt full of Dutch courage, so he approached a pretty brunette.

To emphasize his language, he approached her with a little show-and-tell. Yes, Matt pulled his equipment out and asked her what that was.

Her reply was, "That's a tee-hee."

Matt smiled, and thought about how innocent and easily embarrassed those Southern belles were. He told her, "Back in Michigan, girls there call it a prick."

Her response was, "That's a tee-hee. That's too small to be a prick!"

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Mo Brooks and the Succession to the Senate

Yesterday one of the Senate seat aspirants for the seat vacated by Jeff Sessions, Rep. Mo Brooks (R -Huntsville) offered to withdraw if the other candidates would also. This would open the possibility of Jeff Sessions returning to the Senate.

Not likely. I can see Luther Strange sticking around, despite the odor of non-sanctity bestowed on his candidacy as a result of being appointed by former Governor Robert Bentley. (The Luv Guv.)

Anyway, where are the other possible viable candidates for the U.S. Senate nowadays?

Monday, July 10, 2017

Coke, Soda, or Pop?

I found this nice map that illustrates what people call carbonated beverages. In the South, we call it generic coke [Purple]. In the East and California, they're referred to as "soda." [Blue]

And in the Midwest they refer to them as "pop" [Yellow; Shudder]

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Yorkshire Cartoon

Toppling the Ten Commandments

Roy Moore, formerly of the Alabama Supreme Court, once erected a supersized Ten Commandments there before another court ordered it removed.

Some people in Arkansas got the same idea, and did likewise on the Arkansas capitol grounds in Little Rock. This Ten Commandments lasted about 24 hours before someone took it out with his handy truck. It sounds like it was intentional iconoclasm.

Great driving, Buddy!


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Give Me That Old Time Religion

Give me that old time religion
Give me that old time religion,
Give me that old time religion,
It's good enough for me.

Let us worship Aphrodite
In her silky see-through nightie
Though she's mean and somewhat flighty
She's good enough for me.
Let us sacrifice to Isis
She will help us in a crisis
And she hasn't raised her prices
And that's good enough for me.

Let us sacrifice to Kali
Let us worship her, by golly
To ignore her would be folly
And that's good enough for me.
Let us worship Zarathustra
Let us worship like we used to
I'm a Zarathustra booster
And that's good enough for me.
Let us all bow down to Buddha
There's no other God who's cuter
Comes in copper, brass, and pewter
And that's good enough for me.
Let us travel to Valhalla
In Volkswagens, not Impalas
Singing "Deutschland Uber Alles"
And that's good enough for me.

Let us pray with dear old Buddha 
'Cause there ain't nobody cuter 
Comes in plastic, wood and pewter 
And that's good enough for me 
Let us pray with those Egyptians 
Built pyramids to put their crypts in 
Covered subways with inscriptions 
And that's good enough for me 
Let us pray with good old Loki 
Let us pray with good old Loki 
He thinks Thor's a little hokey 
And that's good enough for me 
Let us pray with those old Druids 
They drank fermented fluids 
Waltzing naked through the woo-ids 
And that's good enough for me 
Hare Krishna, he must laugh on 
To see me dressed in saffron 
With hair that's only half-on 
And that's good enough for me 
Let us pray with lovely Venus 
Of the gods she is the meanest 
She once bit me on the... elbow 
But that's good enough for me

Saturday, May 13, 2017

The Fly in Social Media

Reasons for discontinuing social media vary: it eats up time, it results in conflict, people make catty remarks, and it fosters a sense of discontent and dissatisfaction with one's own life and accomplishments. A big one, in my opinion, is the time it demands to follow others and to write about oneself.

There's the realization that web pages are a form of self-advertisement. Some people find it needful to portray their life as more interesting and successful that it really is, given that so many others engage in glowing self-descriptions.

Lately, though, another reason has emerged from the chorus of people angry at the doings of Donald Trump. While you might expect conflict and irritation by people who disapprove of his particular viewpoint, and sometimes this gets rebutted impolitely, some people expressed dissatisfaction with being exposed to people incessantly complaining about politics; even if they largely agreed with the viewpoints being expressed.

I think this is the result of the repeated reminders that things are off kilter; and that things are as bad as they seem. There's no respite from reality. Things are bad; and there are no guarantees.

I wonder how it was in the days of Nixon and Watergate. Did people feel so hopeless then also?

And there might be a certain amount of anxiety lest one is found to be incomplete in one's orthodoxy regarding the prevailing viewpoint.

We are not in terribly forgiving times; live and let live is not in many playbooks.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

A Prom Ride to Remember

Prom Night is memorable for teens; and it helps if the occasion is marked by novelty and excess. 

Some go in a limousine.  However, this happy Priceville couple went in a novel way: by Weinermobile!


Monday, April 10, 2017

Resignation of Robert Bentley

Today Governor Robert Bentley resigned as Governor of Alabama and pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charges. Thus ends an overlong, lurid saga in Alabama history that was marked by a series of government changes. His resignation completes the trifecta, following the resignation of House Speaker Mike Hubbard and the ouster of Chief Justice Roy Moore.

Following al.com, he became widely known as the "Luv Guv."

This saves a lot of expense, uncertainty, and spinning of wheels in the State governor.  Finally, he did the right thing and put the rest of us out of our miseries.

Best wishes to new governor Kay Ivey.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Suspended Teacher

Metro News reported that this teacher was suspended for posting this provocative selfie in a Facebook account on the internet.

I have a few questions:

1.  Is this provocative?

2.  Should she have been suspended for posting this selfie?

3.  What, specifically, is offensive about this picture?

Care to comment? Please give us the benefit of your opinion.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

No Cash

Apparently some businesses prefer that you use credit. Apparently, crotch sweat and boob sweat taints money for some people.