Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Esthetics of the Breast

Patrick Mallucci, a plastic surgeon, did research on the ideal breast type to determine what was desired in breast implant surgery.  He used a sample of Page 3 girls from The Sun to empirically determine what was the most desirable breast contours using a series of scientific measurements.

Mallucci used computer measuring tools to examine the dimensions and proportions of each pair of breasts, identifying four features common to all of them: the upper and lower pole (medical terms that describe the areas above and below the nipple), plus the angle at which the nipple points, and the slope of the upper pole.

‘His findings indicated that in all cases the nipple ‘‘meridian’’ – the horizontal line drawn at the level of the nipple – lay at a point where, on average, the proportion of the breast above it represented 45 per cent of overall volume of the breast and below it 55 per cent.  In the majority of cases the upper pole was either straight or concave

Now for the perkiness factor:  The angle at which the nipple was pointing skywards was most esthetic at an average angle of 20 degrees.  In all cases the breasts demonstrated a tight convex lower pole – a neat but voluminous curve.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Four Clergymen Give Confession

Four clergymen met regularly for a weekly breakfast.  After a long while they thought they knew each other well enough to confess to each other their most worrisome transgressions.

The first pastor told the other three he had a problem with alcohol.  His problem was so bad that his congregation began to whisper about it - which caused is wife to be embarrassed and ashamed.

The second pastor told the others that he had a gambling problem.  He was so far in debt that his children may not be able to attend college.  And that made his whole family very angry.

The third pastor sheepishly admitted an addiction to pornography.  He told the others that he surfed the net looking for photos of acts that he and his wife may perform together.  When he showed a particular picture to his wife she was immediately offended and became quite upset.

The fourth and final pastor hemmed and hawed, making excuses and asked to be exempted from the confession table.  The other three were indignant.  “We confessed to you, now you have to confess to us!” they all demanded, in unison.  After unusually strong words and strident remarks, the fourth pastor agreed to confess.  “My greatest fault,” he said, “is gossip!”

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Is Getting a Brazil Waxing a Sin?

A friend of mine (Bakku-Shan) wrote this; and gave me permission to reprint it.  Check out her website:


One topic that was never covered in my education regarding right from wrong was whether getting a Brazil wax was a sin.  After all, there you are, your bottom exposed to another person who smears hot wax on it, allows it to dry on some tape, and pulls it off suddenly! 

Ouch!  It hurts too much to be fun.  But this is the cost of wearing a bikini and not showing tell-tail hairs.   So, I got one.    

Shortly afterwards, I got religious fervor, and started going to church more regularly, even though my bottom was still bare.  (Hopefully, that is not sacreligious.)  Since it was a while since my last confession, I decided to do an in-church confession, seeing the priest in the confessional.

So I went:

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  It was a year since my last confession.  My sins are gossiping, cursing often, and oh yes, I got a Brazil waxing."

A long masculine sigh . . . .

"I don't think that's a sin, my child.  The Church does not proscribe any form of floor wax, to my knowledge."

Sometimes it pays to get an old priest.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Stork Theory in Human Reproduction

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork. Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school.

In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork. If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.

2. The alleged human foetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.

3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.

4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.

5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.

6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.