Thursday, July 25, 2019

PG on Weekends; R on Weekdays

If you go away from Gulf Shores or Pensacola on the Gulf Coast, the allowable swimsuits do a shift that is surprising to some. Specifically, on weekends swimsuits for women must have both upstairs and downstairs covered; however, on weekdays toplessness is pretty much okay when the swimmer goes away from the towns and settlements. It's kind of an accepted tendency; and no one gets upset about  it.

The rule is, if you don't want see partial nudity, then don't go there during mid-week.

Jennifer tried it, on a lark. I must admit that it took a lot to get used to her going like that.

Obviously, no pictures!

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Tea Party Request

I can't help it: There was something about the Tea Party that demands satire. Maybe it's the name; but there using the Gadsden flag also plays a part.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Where Have All the Bloggers Gone?

There's an old whiny folk song entitled "Where Have All the Flowers Gone." 'Long time passing' was its refrain. Well, despite global warming, industrial pollution, and party politics, somehow the flowers keep on coming back. And not just to graveyards. I see portulaca on roadside.

[Just a lick: When I go to my eternal punishment, they can put me on the street in a Glad Bag, for all I care. And give the Huntsville Department of Sanitation a BIG SURPRISE!]

But I wonder: why has there been a number of once-prolific bloggers who have gone their way?  Some had very good and creative blogs. Can we have any disclosure?  I suspect that one, a gentle Southern girl, might have gotten tired of the squawks and bad karma from critics and is enjoying her baby and her role as a stay-at-home mom. Another is pulling a second job to pay off her student loan; so a bit less humor from the Yellowhammer State. And a third finds being a manager makes him too tired and jaded to come up with new stuff. Okay, what about the light of Florence Bloggers? Has Lauderdale County moved into illiteracy, or has Northwest Alabama suddenly become moral?

So, what are some still-blogging bloggers?

Well, at least Sholanda is still speaking.

God damn! Do you suppose the C. of C. finally won? 

Monday, April 15, 2019

Rocket City Trash Pandas

The word is out: the Mobile BayBears (sic!) will become the Rocket City Trash Pandas in 2020. Actually, the team will play in Madison, Alabama.

A trash panda is otherwise called a raccoon.

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Returning the Favor

A few months ago, garbage from the so-called Empire State that wound up in Parrish, Alabama made the news.

Why don't we repay the favor?

How about an Alabama caravan of pickup trucks toting sacks of garbage to NYC? Who knows, we could even get the shit from the hazardous waste site at Emmele.

And, in the meantime, pass some laws making it a felony to transport garbage into Alabama from out of state sources.

The rule should be, if you make it, keep it. Or do time in an Alabama slammer. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Fraudulent Admissions Applications to Prestigious Universities

Here's a delicious scandal with a lot of the ingredients to give it legs; except sex, unfortunately. Last week the story broke that the whelps of prominent and wealthy individuals gained admission of big-name universities by fraudulent means: being given extra time on standardized tests, by having ringers take the test in their place, or even having their answers changed by test administrators! Also, some coaches were bribed to claim that key applicants had athletic talents but who never played the sport in question. Toss in a few actresses, and you get a heaping brew of schadenfreude.

Parents of these college aspirants paid big bucks for having this done. In some cases, as much as half a million dollars!  Among the institutions named were USC, Stanford, Yale, Wake Forest, assorted California institutions, and others to be named.

I will admit a certain relief that Auburn was not named among the negligent institutions. We have vexations enough. And Shoals Community College, University of Alabama at Huntsville, or Athens State University were unnamed. As a matter of fact, there were zero opportunities for the lazy pattern of Alabama bashing so beloved by some people from elsewhere.

But, anyway, the universities involved apparently were lax in applying admissions criteria. And are due to get their lumps for this laxity. Well, university administrators and coaches do not take vows of poverty.

What to do with the students who gained admission through false means? Here we have the hoary old question: "What did he/she know; and when did she/he know it?" Were the students unaware of these back door advantages attached to their applications? Or were they unwitting dupes in this process?

It ain't easy.

And many universities have a finite number of spots in their freshman class. If under qualified candidates are let in, more deserving ones are necessarily passed over. 

And what about the students whose patents took these extralegal means to ensure their being enrolled? Isn't there having done so a sign that their parents though little about their abilities to function on their own. Talk about a blow to their egos! 

But there's the $64 question: what sort of bump goes with finishing at a more prestigious institution? It depends on what is going on. For example, I'm sure I'd be more likely to be hired if my degree read M.I.T. rather than Auburn. There's the admittance to hiring networks and contacts that goes with attendance at certain institutions. (Look at the curriculum vitae of the Supreme Court justices, for example.) And a big-name institution endeavors to capitalize on its brand* as much as possible.

*A common term used by people in academic recruitment and promotions. Think of the scent of burned cowhide.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

The Boeing 737 Max

Several years ago John Talton of the Seattle Times  wrote a column criticizing the choice of Mobile, Alabama as the site for the first Airbus plant in the United States. Well, Airbus is a going concern; and those nice salaries are going to southern Alabama employees rather than elsewhere.

Jon managed to fling some stereotypical buffalo chips our way; (Imagine that: Alabamians actually daring to build aircraft that people fly in!) I understand his leaning towards the home team: Boeing, in his case. Well, Boeing was riding a lot on the possible success of the 737 Max. This is the same plane that had two crashes recently, and is grounded in just about every country by now.

I'm disappointed that the U.S. was behind the curve in grounding those planes. Safety of passengers and crew should always be the prime consideration. Well, the U.S. has  now grounded those planes too. American and Southwest were the major U.S. carriers using those planes.

I hope Boeing gets it all straightened out soon; but in the meantime, it's best to fly in other aircraft.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Graffiti for Model Railroaders

A fairly rare hobby that, for reasons of space, is not often pursued is model railroading.  Some hobbyists try for high degrees of realism with their transits. As astonishing as it may seem, they can even get graffiti decals to tag their boxcars or other rolling stock.

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Badly-Behaving Virginians

Politics can be dirty at times; but it's rare that state politics results in a trifecta of dubiousness. However, this was our lot in Alabama a few years ago; and this is currently taking place in Virginia.

Obviously, I'm referring to Virginia's dilemma in having the top three elected officials with considerably enough baggage so as to call for their resignation with all deliberate speed. Apparently Governor Northam posed in a racist picture some 35 years ago when he was in medical school. And the current Lieutenant Governor Fairfax is accused of sexual assault. And now the Attorney General admits having played Michael Jackson in blackface some years ago. [Did he sing, "I'm bad?"]

Kind of makes New York Congressman Anthony Weiner's sexually explicit presentation look like the Lone Ranger by comparison. (Did he display his congressional weiner?) And assorted Southern and Midwestern governors will manage to say, do, or propose stupid things. 

And there is a congressperson claiming Native American ancestry lately. At least she didn't claim she was Shitting Bull!

Anyway, you should get the idea that there's a lot of dubiousness going around.

It's best to make a clean breast of things beforehand, and declare the mea culpas early to avoid future embarrassment.

According, ol' Elvis is going to make a clean breast of things.

First off: I was born in Ohio. But my parents made up for that lapse by moving to Alabama when I was a tween.

Second, I went to Auburn. Okay, this may not set well with some people; but I danced with a University of Alabama girl and she put her bra on my head during the dance. Does that give me some redemption? 

Third, I'm an engineer. But still can't drive a choo-choo.

Fourth, I voted for Hillary reluctantly. Very reluctantly.

However, a mitigating circumstance is that despite my Ohioan origins, I do not like the song, "Hang on Sloopy."

I freely admit having gone to The Mistake by the Lake several times.

Returning to Virginia's dilemma with three elected officials lapses; maybe they should issue all public officials three fuckup chits to be redeemed to obtain forgiveness for lesser lapses of judgments. Or maybe boot them all out, and start from scratch.  Certainly sexual assault is not something that should taken lightly.

Some people think that the French had a great idea in 1789.  However, extremism can elicit bounce back in the form of a Thermidorean Reaction.

Rule of thumb: Whether Democrat or Republican, you can always tell when a politician is lying: His lips are moving.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Super Bowl LIII - The "Let's Pretend" Bowl

Okay - this Super Bowl is one to howl about. The Patriots and the Rams; Boston and L.A. And douchebag officiating.  The N.F.L. adds to its list of late fuck ups.

In my opinion, the Kansas City Chiefs and the New Orleans Saints should be in this one. But lousy officiating held sway. And I was promised pizza and a roll in the hay in lieu of The Diminished Big Game! Oh, and a little quality time at Regency Square Mall.

So I figure we'll be joined by a lot of other people. Let's face it: if local sentiment is a subset of national sentiment, there's going to be a lot of people that will join us in our passing on LIII!

And OMFG! Will some surprise basketball game draw the audiences? Or will the desperate suddenly get religion and a need for some hymns?

At least our running dog legislature is quiescent. Unlike that train wreck that we call national politics. 

The Great Government Shutdown is very much like an elephant toiling in labor and giving birth to a nit!

Monday, January 28, 2019

We Need a New State Song!

We need a new state song - one more in touch with the essence of Alabama and its people.  Let's face it: "Alabama" by Julia Tutweiler just doesn't make it. Let's leave naming a women's prison after the old girl, and let it go at that.

So what should be Alabama's State Song? This is a no-brainer, in my opinion. 

Let it be "Sweet Home Alabama," by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

The "Alabama Song" by Kurt Weill is too Germanic, although the Doors did a good version back umpteen many years ago.

If "Louis, Louie" and "Rocky Top" can make State Song Valhalla, then "Sweet Home Alabama" sure as hell can make it too.

WaR Damn Eagle!

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Helen Keller Jokes

How did Helen Keller meet her husband? On a blind date! 

How did Helen Keller pierce her ear? Answering the stapler. 

Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. 

Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture! 

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They stuck a plunger in the toilet. 

Have you seen a picture of Helen Kellers dad? Neither has she! 

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless love.

Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants? So you can read her lips!! 

What was Helen Kellers favorite childhood game? Musical Chairs 

Did you know Helen Keller was one of the first people to go to Disneyworld? Neither did she. 

Whats Helen Kellers favourite movie? Around the Block in 80 Days. 

What did Helen Keller say to the shop assistant when she knocked over a product-display in the store? Just looking! 

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her? They stuck doorknobs to the walls. 

What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there. 

Why were Helen Keller's hands purple? She heard it thru the grapevine. 

Why did Helen Keller go crazy? She was trying to read a stucco wall. 

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her? They left the plunger in the toilet.

Why can't Hellen Keller jump out of an airplane? It scares the shit out of her dog.

 What's Helen Keeller's favorite color? Black.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Profound Psychological Statement

"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole." -- Raylan Givens (from Justified)



Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Tuesday Joke

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work and found that a new girl had started working there. 

Her name was Claire-Lee and she was absolutely gorgeous.

He became quite besotted with Claire-Lee and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. 

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Claire-Leewhile he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with   Lorraine and get it on with Claire-Lee. 

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.  But one day Lorraine ran off with a tech representative.

The guy was dismayed at first; but then changed his mind. He thought:

"I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone."

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Cold Water on a National Myth

Let's start off by dismissing that myth that our nation is one happy family.

The fact is, we're a heterogenous group of people, living in different regions, with different economies, different customs, and having somewhat differences in aspirations.

And, very importantly, there are possibly economic conflicts that regularly occur between regions. Look at when Alabama picked up Airbus. Sour grapes for that came from --guess where?  Washington state. Likewise, the fact that cars are now being manufactured in Alabama, Tennessee, and Kentucky did not sit well with some Midwesterners. Oh well, things happen. And Ford and G.M. just ain't what they used to be. And some Southerners are going home with some pretty good biweekly checks. And Fresh Market is now a shopping possibility. And, wow! We can do opera, if we want to. And don't have to slave all day in a hominy mine.*

Anyway, guess what happened when various large cities competed to win the second headquarters for Amazon: In that case, NYC and Washington won out. And the big $$$$ went there. Amazon staffs lower-paying jobs at regional fulfillment centers like the one in Chattanooga.

And there is always the specter of California dominance. Thank God for the fact that each state has two senators. Otherwise we would be buried.  Yes, even Wyoming has two. California is fine, if you want to buy into the California package. Some don't. A half-hour in L.A. traffic convinces me of that. [Not that I-565 is a picnic during rush hour.]

Why are Americans so diverse in attitudes in different regions or states? Well, there's different history, as a starter. And all regions have their skeletons in their closets. There's climate. There's population density. There's core beliefs. And there is the relative unfamiliarity that most people have with some other parts of the country. 

God knows, I'm not making a screed for secession. But I am saying that we should give each other allowances. Think of the United States as kind of like a couple sharing a double bed. We should be careful not to pull the covers off your bedmate.** And not to screw her or him unless that's mutually agreeable for both of you.

*That, folks, is a joke.

**Queen- or king-sized beds are a great thing!

Monday, January 7, 2019

The New York Times Article

The shit is hitting the fan in Alabama this week; or will do so when what was reported in The New York Times gets widely reported after the Alabama - Clemson National Championship game.

In a nutshell, apparently some supporters of the Democratic candidate, Doug Jones, used Russian-style misinformation tactics to influence the Senate election in 2017.

I know Doug Jones is calling for an investigation, and all the usual pieties, after the facts have come out. At the very least, it seems that there are no parties wearing white hats in this soap opera. This is likely to impact negatively on the Democratic Party.

I voted for Jones. However, right now, I'm sorry I did. The comment by that little so-and-so near Florence convinced me of it.

And I wonder about the veracity of what was reported about Roy Moore; although, God knows - he is a toad.

Bad kitty.

I want to throw up.

Total shit fire.