Monday, February 19, 2018

Religion and Shit

Taoism: Shit happens. 

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. 

Zen Buddhism:  What is the sound of shit happening? 

Hinduism: This shit has happened before. 

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. 

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. 

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. 

Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen. 

Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it. 

Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it. 

Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another. 

Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another. 

Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it. 

Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) 

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? 

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work. 

Creationism: God made all shit. 

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves. 

Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray! 

Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit. 

Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. 

Utopianism: This shit does not stink. 

Capitalism: That's MY shit. 

Communism: It's everybody's shit. 

Feminism: Men are shit.

Commercialism: Let's package this shit. 

Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

Idolism: Let's bronze this shit. 

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS. 

Stoicism: This shit is good for me. 

Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening! 

Wiccan: An long as it harms none, let shit happen. 

Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. 

Jehovah's Witnesse: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening. 

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. 

Atheism: I can't believe this shit! 

Nihilism: No shit. 

Narcissism: I am the shit!