Local 10 P.M. News on Weekends

A lot has been made about fake news lately; often justified. As an example, there was the false news item of Britney Spears dying in an automobile accident. 

But there is an interesting phenomenon in Alabama: Locally, our 10 PM news on Friday is given over to high school clips and scores: Roughly, 80% of the program.

On Saturday night, the focus shifts to Alabama and Auburn football; but maybe a nod to Alabama A & M and UNA. And maybe if there is some cataclysmic outcome in some other game. 

Suppose the Biblical Four Horsemen were involved:

One horseman: not a peep.

Two horsemen: maybe; if War or Death are involved.  If Famine or Pestilence are involved as the two, then fuggetaboutit.

Really gory accidents with live camera footage: it's definitely local news.

Of course, the hot weekend weather girl will make an appearance. In colder weather, she will forego a bra.

Time for a Remake of The Little Mermaid

Well, TLM was a hit the first time around. Now how about a remake with Ariel a bit older; something R-rated for the Age of Trump! 

Or will Jeff Sessions ban it?

Donald Trump, the Luv Guv, and Jeff Sessions

Here's a link to al.com giving the top ten captions for that trio:

http://www.al.com/opinion/index.ssf/2016/10/trump_luv_guv_jeff_sessions_ca.html#0

Different Types of Asses

Doritos Commercial

Does this make you want to have a bag of Doritos?

Coyote Ugly Candidates in Yesterday's Election

The political campaigns leading to yesterday's election were long, bitter, acrimonious, and (at times) scary. When it came down to it, the two major parties' candidates were dismal choices: coyote ugly, as a matter of fact. Well, if the person I voted for had won, I would be experiencing buyer's remorse. 

I hope we do better with the choices next time.

A pipe dream: Should I run for public office? Engineers are notoriously underrepresented in public affairs? Jennifer says no.

Creepy Clowns in Alabama

The current wave of creepy clowns has even struck Alabama. Actually, a case can be made for the whole legislature being clowns in training.

Hopefully, things will be different in the future.

I wonder if barbecue and football is our equivalent of bread and circuses. We're in a pretty pass right now. 

We once had a good governor; but he was before my time: Big Jim Folsom. Unfortunately, he had three big problems: "Too much whiskey, too many women, too few honest friends," as an historian put it.

Today Is National No-Bra Day!

Set the ladies free!

Dog Styling

A dog with fabulous taste.

Absurdity or Irony in France

The recent flap about the burkini swimsuit in southern France surely has turned into a comedy of absurdity as well as a lot of beach photographs from that locale. Apparently the French fuzz in those places are hassling women who dare to come in one of these hypermodest swimsuits. This would have an air of black comedy if it wasn't for the effect that it had on inoffensive Muslim women who might want some time for a swim, if not to sun bathe. Seriously, forcing them to strip? That is offensive beyond belief.

There women can choose to go topless if they wish. Or wear a thong bottom, But to overdress, that's a harassment!

France can be authoritarian in their own way. Apparently, wearing a head scarf can be a red flag to some. No, women must go secular!

This would have been an absurdist joke back in the old days here. Too bad writers missed a possible story line back in the 1960's. Kurt Vonnegut missed this one.

To my knowledge burkinis are not banned on the Redneck Riviera.

View from the Rear*

By now you have seen enough of the paper-mache statue of The Donald with his micropenis. Very clearly, most of us have nothing to worry about. Now how about the ass of a horse's ass:

*Apologies to Bakku-Shan.

Plenty of Room

Buffalo Jills

Atlanta Falcons Cheerleaders

Minnesota Vikings Cheerleaders

Free Gas in Russia!

A gas station in Samara, Russia offered free gas to women who pumped their own while wearing a bikini and high heels. Here's a happy customer:

New Orleans Saints Cheerleaders

We're Screwed!

There's a King of Fools coronation going on in Cleveland this week; and a surfeit of Trump criticisms is coming from the running dog Washington Post and other political journals. Not that his orangeness doesn't deserve criticism. They're beating him like a rented mule!

And next week Hillary will receive her coronation in Philadelphia with hosannas being flung around like turds in a cow pasture. How did we manage to wind up with these two jokers?

And Trump's running mate: One Pence None the Derper.

Not that Alabama is any blissful font of wisdom Our Luv Guv is rendered with little influence except patting bottoms in a gubernatorial fashion, our House Speaker has been ousted in disgrace, a seemly unseemliness has settled over Goat Hill, and Chief Justice Moore has been removed twice from the court. Hopefully, two strikes is enough. 

And we're into the summer heat. 

Oakland Raiderettes

Baltimore Ravens Cheerleaders

Her's a lucky seven from Baltimore!

Tennessee Titans Cheerleaders

I thought I would celebrate a real reason for watching pro football: 

the cheerleaders! 

This week's is the Tennessee Titans Cheerleaders!

The Sexiest Commercial of All Time

It's the Carl's Jr. Super Bowl Commercial for 2015, featuring Charlotte McKinney:   

Lies, Damned Lies, and Politics

More Cherry Poptart

Cherry Poptart to brighten your day!

Impeach the Governor?

One of the big news items going around is the initiation of procedures to impeach the Governor of Alabama. Will these have substance to it, or is simply a means to get an unpopular governor out of the way?

Certainly his misadventures might factor into the process; but a lot of this seems to be a backdoor way of getting an inconvenience out of the way. Or is it political payback?

I think it's just a sham. Not many people get worked up with politicians playing around any more.

Give it a rest, legislators.

Wonder Woman In a Different Light

Cherry Poptart Poses a Philosophical Question

Colleges With the Hottest Girls

Colleges with the hottest girls Nationwide: Chapman University (Orange CA), Miami University (Ohio), Santa Clara University, Vanderbilt University, Pacific Union College (Angwin, CA).

Colleges and universities with the hottest girls in Alabama:  The top five are University of Alabama, Auburn University, Samford University, Oakwood University, University of Alabama at Birmingham.  

In Alabama, University of Alabama - Huntsville came out 9th; and University of North Alabama came out 11th.

Auburn is the REAL University in Alabama. That can cause confusion! Here's proof that Auburn is #1: 

WAR EAGLE!

Google Search Results for Selected European Countries

Using the tag "Why are (fill in country) so ____________, these were the most used results that came up, according to The Local:

Using this approach, some interesting stereotypes came out: Rich Germans, Corrupt Spaniards, Racist Italians, Miserable French, Cheap Bulgarians, etc.

I might try this with selected states.

Cinco de Mayo Chica

Are People Influenced by Celebrity Candidate Endorsements?

A poll in the Florence Times-Daily suggests not.

But are they, in fact?

Impeach the Governor?

Well, there's a legislator from north Alabama that offered a bill to initiate proceedings to impeach Governor Bentley. Is this just tit for tat; or somehow does he interpret what the Governor may or may not have done as "moral turpitude?" Moral turpitude is not completely agreed upon as a concept; also standards of misconduct change with time.

I tend to prefer a 'live and let live' approach to things; and I wonder if some legislators are just going to spend a lot of the state's scarce money on what seems more like a personal vendetta.

After all, when the legislature is session, there's not a shortage of working girls! Holy hypocrisy, citizens!

But ultimately I see this as costly political grandstanding.

Sexy governor . . . . 

The Salty Nut Brewery in Huntsville will release an unimpeachable pale ale:

Possibly Guns on Campus

A bill before the House that would allow for the carrying of concealed weapons on college campuses is being considered; and should come to a vote then.  The colleges and universities are very much opposed to this; but there are a few legislators that are trying to gain cheap publicity. This is a stupid idea; and I hope that good sense would prevail in our legislators.

God knows, they're not known lately for their good government or mature legislation,

Details from "The Effects of Good Government on the Countryside"

Cute Chilean Reporter Has a Mishap

You have to admire this Chilean reporter who handled a bikini mishap with considerable aplomb. Good going, Senorita!

Donald Trump as a Trojan Horse

The 2016 Presidential election is the strangest yet, in my opinion.

The Florence Times-Daily had a recent editorial regarding this over-covered and overly long election process. They made a Rick Romano obvious comment that GOP leaders are worried that a Trump victory would hurt the party. And things began to get strange. They went down the rabbit hole of speculation, and fantasied that The Donald Trump might be a Trojan horse inserted into the Republican party to insure the election of Hillary. There's strange weed locally, I think.

And what gives? The editorial quotes Ludwig Wittgenstein to boot!

I was awestruck to begin with that Wittgenstein would up in a T-D editorial. But this one is amazing. They topped the LA Times, in my opinion. 

http://www.timesdaily.com/opinion/editorials/gop-leaders-are-worried-trump-victory-would-hurt-the-party/article_c40e0673-9215-5bd3-ad.3-bd478412e66e.html

Greyhound Therapy and the Homeless

Greyhound therapy is a cost-effective pejorative term to refer to mental health or community authorities dealing with the problem of mentally disturbed persons being around by putting them on a bus and sending them to some other place. Not very humane, is it?

Well, Portland, Oregon has started a practice of sending homeless people to some place where they have family members; and suddenly the homeless problem is locally solved. The sweet old WaPo, bless it's heart, applauded this innovation in a recent article. They were very credulous in doing so; how do they know whether the homeless person would be welcome, have family still there, and whether the recipient community has the resources to deal with homeless.

In other words, It ain't our problem any more! Am I the only one to sense cost-effective hypocrisy rearing its head?

Let me pose a question: Suppose Jackson, Mississippi or Montgomery, Alabama started doing that. What news reception would they get? Or is this just a little paranoia from below the Mason-Dixon line?

Exclusive Outtakes from Governor Bentley's Apology

By now you have probably heard about our little ole gubernatorial sex scandal in Alabama. When a sexy tape came to surface, the cat was out of the bag. 

You can find it on al.com.

But here are some outtakes from Governor Bentley's apology to the people of Alabama:

Clampdown in Gulf Shores

The two spring break locations in Alabama, Gulf Shores and Orange Beach, have passed ordinances forbidding alcohol on the beaches there. There's the recent example of Panama City Beach, which is experiencing a decline in motel and rental occupancy and the local economy, heavily based on tourism, is in a slump.

There will be brave souls who will still break at the Redneck Riviera; but my prediction is that a lot of the college crowd will shift over to the Gulfport-Biloxi area. Their casinos are doing a booming business as it is.

I did not get the sense that Gulf Shores was ever rowdy like P.C.B. allegedly was; but the city councils there became alarmist and became more restrictive. With the drive to make the area family-friendly, will they outlaw bikinis and thongs next?

The Fake Daily Mountain Eagle

The Daily Mountain Eagle, a daily newspaper in Jasper, Alabama, has been around for 144 years. It has a small town orientation; but is highly regarded.

However, a fake version of the Daily Mountain Eagle has also been around on Twitter  that was known for its humor and satire. Sadly, it has ceased to publish, and journalistic levity is no longer around Walker County.

You can read some of the Greatest Hits here. These are good for some laughs.

Hillbilly Dream Catcher

High-End and Low-End Valentine's Day Gifts in States

Valentine's Day is a major occasion for gift-giving. Let's look at what sorts of gifts by state that are most often googled more frequently than the other 49 states,

Some sound so romantic; others sound just kinky:

Gee, California googled couples pajamas more than the other states, while flower bouquets were googled in North Dakota. New Yorkers have a taste for romantic hotel stays, and Bama likes Lord Byron!

Kentuckians go in for couples' tattoos, Texans for plus-size lingerie, and Tennesseeans go in strongly for cheap sex toys! Hickeys are popular with junior high students and New Mexicans!

Oklahomans like boudoir photographs!

Der Fuerer's Bra

Groundhog Day

The F-Word in Movies

At one time it was considered totally shocking for the F-word to occur in a movie. (What the hell; the word is fuck!)

Now some good souls have actually counted the number of times these occur in films, so that people with sensitive ears can avoid too much f-word profanity.

It's in Wikipedia. Will this result in an f-word arms race?

The Wolf of  Wall Street used it over 500 times.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_that_most_frequently_use_the_word_%22fuck%22

The Wildlife Refuge Occupiers

Some nearby ranchers "occupied" (squatted) on a wildlife refuge. They asked for people to send them snacks. Some did: bags of candy dicks!

Another Clarification

Japanese Show Big Farting Contest

Eliza Dushku Models Bikinis

The best scene from The New Guy:

The Quran Clarified

Beyond Tacky into Piss-Poor

Nobody out of St. Louis (maybe) has said it, but I think that the movements of the Rams and the Chargers to Inglewood, California is beyond tacky' and approaching piss-poor with warp speed!

Is community loyalty outmoded? Or did the Giants, Dodgers, and Braves put pay to that? Not to mention the Oilers and the Colts? Enos Stanley Kroenke, owner of the Rams, kissed St. Louis off by describing it as :an economic abyss ill suited to hosting an N.F.L. team. Apparently 30 of 32 owners agreed with him. 

Fark 'em all!

Enough, Already!

Not another Republican debate!

Florence Bomb Scare

Florence, Alabama made some news outlets yesterday, but not in a good way.

Apparently, there was a bomb scare at the Florence Post Office on Seminary Street, and they called out the bomb squad because of a suspicious package.

Its contents turned out to be hot dogs!

Somebody lost a lot of hot dogs. Immediately, the Wildwood Tavern claimed that the hot dogs came from them. They do have an Atomic Dog.

To make things worse, Slate magazine referred to Florence as a "burg." That was a piss-poor insult!

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/01/06/alabama_post_office_bomb_scare_ends_in_hot_dog_party.html