We Need Gary Larson!

Our time has gotten too serious. Even television humor-oriented programs tend too much toward depressing politics and world affairs. 

And, let's face it: 2017 has been a rough year for Alabama. 

Shit!

What we need is some old-fashioned twisted humor to get us through. 

Although Gary Larson has not produced The Far Side for 23 years now, his cartoons are still as fresh and funny as back then. Here's homage to The Far Side from al.com. And some cartoons:

The Shoals Freeze

It's pretty well less obvious now; but at one time the Shoals Area was characterized by a certain defensiveness and distrust of outsiders and new residents of Florence and Colbert County.

Some of this was, retrospectively county-based. There was the old saw about the true Colbert County resident who would never vote Republican, vote wet, or spend a dime in Lauderdale County. And, obviously, shopping was usually limited to one side of the Tennessee River or the other.

Three things affected that: (1) the development of Regency Square Mall gave the more snotty Court Street and English Village stores get some competition; (2) The Fundamentalist churches lost their political clout, as illustrated when Colbert County and Florence went wet years ago; and (3) Renegade consumers found going to Huntsville more attractive.

So, although I went to BHS and lived in Florence for years, I'm not as keen on shopping locally.

There's one first-class place to eat: Rickatoni's. Otherwise, there's fast food or chain restaurants. 

More About Our Special Senate Election

I'm pretty satisfied with the outcome of last week's Special Senate Election in Alabama, speaking as an insider. I'm not sorry with the outcome.

But the National news coverage of it gives me some pause. 

First of all, there was excessive coverage of it. After all, it's only for a damned Senate seat.

But secondly, the tone of some of the opinion pieces had carried a tone of utter surprise; kind of like an overly censorious grandparent expressing surprise that her boisterous grandchild did not do something embarrassing, for a change. One even said that we need more pressure from our betters to do what they consider to be right.

Okay, we might have had our share of rough times lately. Remember the Luv Gov, perhaps?

But we in general have our hearts in the right place. And we showed it.

And we don't need some columnist from the Post or Times to throw shade on us.

Now I get it: the Post has a real hard-on to get Trump. Sometimes they don't play fair. But only an idiot expects a lack of slant or bias from a newspaper.

There's a place for Democrats in Alabama. But look for them to be non-Pelosi Democrats. And there's also room for third parties. 

Historically, the largest reason why Alabama turned Republican is because of a split in the Democratic Party back in 1985. That race was between then Alabama Attorney General Charles Graddick in a runoff with then Lt. Governor Bill Baxley.  Graddick, who was the the more conservative candidate, won by a few thousand votes. However, Baxley sued, claiming that Graddick violated primary regulations by encouraging Republicans to "cross over" and vote as Democrats. Graddick, maintained that this was legal because Alabama was an open primary state. The dispute made it all the way to the state Supreme Court, who told the Democrats to either declare Baxley the winner by default or hold another primary. The party went with Baxley. A lot of people got pissed off; and turned around an voted for Republican Guy Hunt. Guy Hunt was less than a stellar Governor; but the Democratic Party gave itself a self-inflicted wound.

What's With the Cleveland Browns?

The Cleveland Browns looked like a contender in the preseason, going 4-0.

However, during the regular season, they're 0-14. Will they have a perfect season? Check them out on Dec. 24th and Dec. 31st. They will still play the Bears and the Steelers on those dates.

Alabama's Special Senate Election

Alabama's Special Senate Election gained a lot of interest; partly because nationally we're very primed for politics, because Alabama managed in its own way to have it as colorful as possible, and because it gave a lot of people an excuse for Alabama bashing.  Oh well, it's over with a close win by Doug Jones over Roy Moore.

Now so many are acting like it's a total surprise. Don't be totally surprised. Let's consider how things shook out, as we say.

1. Jones won the four most populous counties (Jefferson, Mobile, Montgomery, and Madison). Those include Birmingham, Mobile, Montgomery, and Huntsville. And also a lot of suburbs. Looking at the precincts there also indicates that Jones won with a lot of middle class voters. In a lot of ways, the population voting patterns were roughly identical to how they went in Virginia a few months ago: urban vs. rural.

Roy Moore, by way of contrast, was strongest in the stretch above Tuscaloosa and around Gadsden, other than Madison. These are counties that are marked by lower education levels and which tended to become less populous.

2. African-Americans came out and voted. This is apparent in the south central counties where they are near to or actually the majority, and in Birmingham and Montgomery.

3.  There was an unusual number of write-in votes. I would surmise than most of those couldn't quite vote Democratic; but could not stomach Roy Moore, either. It was significant that the other Alabama senator, Richard Shelby, asserted that he wrote in the name of another, unnamed Republican, instead of voting for Roy Moore.

4.  The accusations regarding Roy Moore and teen girls did turn off a lot of voters. That's all people talked about. Doug Jones's support of abortion rights, while a handicap, turned out to be less of one. In short, Moore came out looking toxic.

5.  The National Republican Party was initially cool to Moore; but largely changed its mind due to the prompting by President Trump. As it turned out, they missed an opportunity to come out smelling like a rose in this whole weird story. 

6.  And, damn it, Roy Moore would do such puerile stunts like riding his horse to the polls to vote. This conveyed the undesirable impression that Alabamians are hicks that do quaint things.

Anyway, I've got a smile on my face today. I guess there will not be a lot of work done today in Alabama; but some great sex going on tonight!

Seven Good Reasons for Farting

It's better to fart when the need occurs. Here's seven good reasons why.

The smell is actually a good thing.

Several studies have suggested that smelling your own farts is actually a good thing, as they contain compounds which can prevent numerous diseases. The rotten smell occurs due to the presence of hydrogen sulfide, which can be toxic in bigger amounts, but beneficial for your heart in smaller doses.

My Opinion on the Playoffs, Which Is Not Worth Much

This year, in college football, there is no clearly defined team overwhelmingly superior to others. Finding an undefeated team in 2017 is, in set terminology, almost the empty set. (Like the number of virgins in my old high school.)

No, wait, there's the University of Central Florida, for what it's worth.

Okay, despite having been given that fact, there's still the need to select four teams for the playoff. 

Clemson, Oklahoma, and Georgia have strong cases. And, over all, Alabama played well except for the last game.

On the other hand, Iowa State beat Ohio State like a cheap drum, 55-24.

So, given that there are no playoff virgins around, except UCF, it gives Alabama a strong case. After all, they are in the SEC.

What's going to shake out from this is now anyone's guess.