A New Republican Manifesto*

Okay I'm a Republican; not a card-carrying one as Alabama doesn't issue 'em. And I want to say that for the past several years the G.O.P. has had its head in its pachydermal ass by emphasizing the wrong things and failing to keep its focus on basic principles.

Anyway, here's a few things I think the party should focus on.

1.  It should support the freedom of people to make contracts in whatever form they want.  And, guess what?  Here's some parts of the deal.  

a.  Marriage is, in its essence, a type of contract.  And if two people of  the same sex, or three people, or four people are adults and actively desire this and consent to its form, then the State or the Federal Government should have no particular interest in the matter.

b.  While I'm not in favor of unions, if the workers of a company and the company itself wants a local union, then minions of the state should not try to exert pressure to discourage it.  That twerp Bob Corker of Tennessee got his fingers into the question of whether the VW plant in Chattanooga should unionize and may have influenced the outcome by dubious predictions.

2.  It should encourage commerce; but should not selectively boost or bail out some industries or cities, for that matter.  The "Too Big to Let Fail" concept may be invoked for GM; but Saturn can go down the tube.  After all, it's only Tennessee.  And when it comes to cities, Boston or New York will likely be bailed out.  Right now, Birmingham is in bankruptcy.  But the Federals are kissing it off.

3.  One thing that the Party should be for is individual freedom.  Yes, and that includes operating your business on Sunday, buying and drinking alcohol if desired, and using pot.  The Federal Government should not be in the morals police business, and neither should the State or County authorities.  (Madison County is, thankfully, wet!)

4.  And this goes for sex toys too.  A gal (or guy) should be able to own as many dildos or Real Girls or gupieres as one pleases!

5.  We should stop spouting that Tea Party nonsense.  What sort of Federal spending ought to continue?  Well, that regarding health, research in basic science, having an adequate military ability to respond to whatever contingencies there are.  Some government is necessary.  Those are examples.  Basic research is underfunded right now because small-minded people look only for an immediate payoff.  [Okay, I'm in favor of health care spending, but do it right!]

6.  We should be against spending dough we don't have.  If we see there's a need for something, be it M-22 light sabers, sex ed for teens, or rim jobs for Senators, then we should pony up the dough for it by passing some tax with the money earmarked for it.

7.  We should become the Party of Fun, not the Party That Scolds.  Leave that to the Democrats or the Tea Party rump element.  And I mean rump in the sense of what is sat on.  Take not counsel of your false friends, the religious right.  They're the right only to use you, donkey brains!

8.  Be for peace, but be prepared for war if needed.  But don't get involved in fights that unwinnable.  Also, if it's a Europe matter, let the E.U. do it.  The combination of the Wehrmacht, the French Army, and the Italians should be daunting enough.

9.  Jesus H. Christ, come up with some better possible candidates than Mitt Romney or Rick Santorum!**

*A repeat from 2014.

**And especially Donald J. Trump and Mike Pence.