Facts That Science . . . .

Sometimes, in the unending quest to further human knowledge, scientists and others find out some amazing things.  Will women in bikinis be used for good or for ill?  This answer lies in the very heart of individuals?

 

There ar some of us that may decide that cognitive processes are overrated.  Politicians have concluded that long ago.

 

 

Engineer Joke V

The value of an engineer

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem it was having with one of its multimillion-dollar machines. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded with the following: "Chalk: $1. Knowing where to put it: $49,999."

Engineer Joke IV

So an architect and an engineer were in a bar, and the architect, holding up his glass, asks:

"Half-full? Or half-empty?  I see it as half-full..."

The engineer ponders a second before replying:

"I see a liquid containment device twice as big as it needs to be."

Amy Bishop Pleads Guilty

Amy Bishop pleaded guilty to one count of capital murder.

http://blog.al.com/breaking/2012/09/accused_uah_shooter_amy_bishop_12.html

How to Hunt Elephants

HOW TO HUNT ELEPHANTS




How do you hunt elephants?

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise. Professors of mathematics will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass:
a) catch each animal seen
b) Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
c) Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate. Assembly language programmers prefer to execute Algorithm on their hands and knees.

ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.

ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.

STATISTICIANS hunt the 1st animal they see N times, and call it an elephant.

CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do. Operations Research Consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.

POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.

LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.

VICE PRESIDENTS of engineering, research, and development try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely pre-hunted before the vice president gets to see them. If the vice president does see a non-prehunted elephant, the staff will :
1. compliment the vice president's keen eyesight,
2. enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

SALESPEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.

HARDWARE SALESPEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as "Desktop Elephants"

Engineer Joke III

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information.

"The man below says, "You must be a planner."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going, and you have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault." 

 

War Eagle!

Rolled Tide

The Tuscaloosa News recently reported that University of Alabama students would be with another 7% raise in tuition.

Actually, the figures are pretty grim: the costs for attending UA was $5700 a (figured on two semesters' cost) in 2007-2008; for 2012-2013 it's expected to cost $9200.  Geesh!

A huge part of the difference is that University of Alabama students have to pony up a higher percentage of the costs: tuition accounted for 55% of operating costs in 2008, but will got up to 73%.

The term 'state-supported university' is becoming a joke.  And this will screw us in the long run.


 http://www.tuscaloosanews.com/article/20120615/news/120619881